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Judge in New York Civil Case Against the Trump Organization Rules from the Bench

There are two kinds of people in the northeastern states here in the US.
The most conspicuous kind are men who are hellbent on promoting their grievance narratives. This personality type is typically narcissistic as well as being obsessively compulsive; occasionally this personality type presents with paranoia. One of them is running for President, and his campaign's grievance narrative is always on full display at his frequent rallies.
There is also the type who actually have something to say based on life experiences. In this group we include former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who, before he was elected, was the United States Attorney for the Garden State. Christie is best known for his ability to bluster and “tell it like it is."
Here at AP, after the third Republican presidential debate, we convened our vast corps of associate solitary reporters. The gathering was chaired by associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman, a longtime operative employed by the Democratic National Committee.
Coleman has access to many events which cannot be proved in a court of law, which is why we often turn to him to explain obscure aspects of our complicated system for choosing presidents, especially in our current political environment.
Donald Trump is notoriously litigious. He is convinced that The Apocalypse is imminent because he has been indicted in four different jurisdictions, and that all the prosecutors who have brought criminal charges against him have only done so out of malice. New York Attorney General Letitia James sued The Trump Organization, seeking to dissolve it because of its lies when it appiied for loans. Justice Arthur Engoron is presiding over the civil suit.
“I was in Judge Engoron’s courtroom as the State concluded its case against the Trump Organization,” Coleman began. The State’s last witness was First Daughter Ivanka, who was represented by her own lawyer because she no longer wants to be associated with her father’s business.
“We here at AP salute her for her strenuous efforts to disentangle herself from her father’s well-known high crimes and misdemeanors,” Coleman said.
After Ivanka left the courtroom to fly back to Florida to be with her family, the judge announced his decision, but the only person who stayed in the courtroom was "my friend the solitary reporter," Coleman continued.
“This case has been very easy for me to decide,” Judge Engoron said, “because Donald Trump has been the most unruly witness I have ever listened to in my many years on the bench.”
“I have concluded that the State has established that the Trump Organization has never acted in good faith because it grossly inflated the value of its many assets. In other words, there are no decent citizens anywhere in the Trump Organization.”
“Establishing the appropriate remedy has been relatively easy.”
“Mr. Trump’s political career has always been based on his tempestuoius character. To cut to the chase, he’s untrustworthy and totally malevolent when he criticizes his political opponents.”
“He has never made use of our world-famous subway system, because he has never had to. It’s high time that Mr. Trump listen to ordinary people.”
“Therefore, I am ordering the MTA to close off one of its trains to the public, with the defendant alone and ranting against the Democratic Party and Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Mr. Trump is required to remain silent and listen to AOC, as she is known, and at the end of her remarks he is required to apologize to the Congresswoman for his frequent acts of defamation against her.”
Coleman called the Congresswoman to encourage her to comply with Judge Engoron’s order. She immediately agreed, and asked Coleman if she could bring Senator Bernie Sanders with her.






Federal Bureau of Prisons Will House Eric Trump with Convicted Crypto Fraudster Sam Bankman-Fried

Jeffrey Krueger, the Warden at the federal prison in Terre Haute, Indiana, is making special arrangements for newly convicted crypto fraudster Sam Bankman-Fried to share a cell with Donald Trump’s least attractive son, Eric.


Bankman-Fried created a phony crypto exchange and swindled millions of dollars in bitcoins from wealthy individuals,


New York Attorney General Letitia James is pursuing The Trump Organization and its principals for fraud, and she's doing a good job. She’s gone after Donald Trump and his three oldest kiddos, including Eric Trump, who testified today and blamed everything on the accountants.


Eric is the least physically attractive Trump adult and is best known for his imitation mobster haircut.


Colorado top accountant Sylvia Knowles told DenPo today that Eric needs to seek counseling from the nearest Lutran minister, Barbara Bookie, who can tell a dishonest person within five minutes of counseling. 


Jeffrey Krueger, the Warden at the federal prison in Terre Haute, Indiana, where they have a death chamber, said that at the request of New York Governor Kathy Hochul, he would gladly take Eric because a poll of all the inmates in New York state prisons have named the Trump family as the people they hate the most, therefore, he will take any Empire State prisoners for their own safety, but that Eric will have to share a call with Bankman-Fried.


Rev. Bookie never buys stocks, but she is well known in Colorado as a prison chaplain. 






Here's an Easy Way to Understand President Biden's Newly Minted Executive Order on Artificial Intelligence

Much unnecessary fuss has been made over President Biden’s just-issued executive order on the subject of artificial intelligence,


But this doesn’t bother the President at all.


Associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman got it all figured out after a short conversation yesterday with the President.


“Keith,” he began, "I have no problem with my AI executive order because Republicans are not intelligent, artificially or otherwise. Just remember, ‘Uncle Joe knows best.'”






McConnnll, Johnson Disagree about Aid to Ukraine, Settle their Differences in a Boxing Match

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is only a few days younger than your reclusive solitary reporter, who is 81 at last report.


Now that the gops have elevated Shreveport’s own Mike Johnson, 51, to third in line for the presidency, we now see that his Senate counterpart, McConnell, is clashing directly with the GOP’s new wunderkind, who was plucked from obscurity to Speaker just a few days ago.


It’s because McConnell, very sensibly, supports maximum military assistance to Ukraine but Johnson doesn’t. Johnson supports massive aid to Israel but is part of a Republican plan which has been caught up in Ukraine fatigue,


So we sent one of our best operatives, associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman, to observe a secret boxing match between Johnson and McConnell. No reporters except Coleman were allowed in, and the match was held in a tunnel deep under the Capitol.


The match was set for 15 rounds but McConnell, despite his age and inherent flabbiness (he has three chins), prevailed. Which means that Aid to Ukraine will continue. 






Newbie House Speaker Vows to Impose Theocracy Once He's President

It has been said often enough that in terms of political reality, the South won the Civil War.
Republicans in the House now have two Louisiana politicians in leadership: Majority Leader Steve Scalise and youngish (at 51) evangelical Mike Johnson, from Shreveport.
Johnson says the most important document in his life is the Bible, so he must have forgotten about the Constitution.
Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones just emerged from a one with one with Johnson, the last ditch Republican candidate to be third in line for the presidency.
“Johanna,” he said, “I swore an oath not so much to the Constitution, but much more to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, which is why when I become President I will impose a theocracy, just like those valiant Pilgrims of ages ago.”
When he heard this, Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin prepared for battle.