The latest news…

Mon

27

Feb

2017

Trump Blasts PwC As PC

Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway were supposed to present the Oscar yesterday evening for Best Picture. And they did, in a major flub which immediately engulfed auditing giant PricewaterhouseCoopers in bigtime controversy. PricewaterhouseCoopers is known as PwC.

 

Most film watchers expected La La Land to win, and that’s what Dunaway and Beatty announced, but PricewaterhouseCoopers had provided the wrong envelope, and Moonlight was the real winner. Moonlight, with an all-black cast, tells a story of a young black man coming out as guy in an environment of rampant drug-dealing. La La Land is a celebration of Hollywood, and, hence, living in a world of illusion, being out of touch with reality.

 

Donald Trump and his acolytes all expected La La Land to win, because they do not live in reality, but rather in grandiosity. They have precious little support among African Americans, so the last film they wanted to see win was Moonlight.

 

Since last night’s Oscars made numerous slams of Trump and his racist practices, host Jimmy Kimmel joked that he expected Trump to tweet-rant against him and the awards ceremony at 5 am while attending to some personal business. But associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones knew otherwise, as she was with Trump when he tweeted at midnight, “PwC is totally PC and I was elected for fighting political correctness. They’ll never have any clients ever again!” But Pricewaterhouse Coopers CEO Bob Moritz quickly tweeted back, calling out Trump for demanding that Congress increase defense and security spending by $54 billion and cutting the same amount from non-defense programs. “Those numbers violate all rules of sensible accounting practices, and they violate all rules of political morality,” Moritz said.

 

0 Comments

Sun

26

Feb

2017

White House Correspondents to Be Sent to Gitmo

In a recent tweetstorm, Donald Trump informed his disenchanted followers that he will not attend the annual White House Correspondents Dinner.

 

Because associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones is in the White House every day, she overheard Trump’s principal (and notably unprincipled) advisor, Steve Bannon, chortling over the firestorm created by that tweet.

 

As Trump's Chief Sycophant, Kellyanne Conway, passed Bannon in the hallway, Bannon said, “You know what, Kellyanne?”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“All those reporters that hate us, we’re gonna send ‘em to Gitmo!”

 

In today’s Denver Post, Mark Matthews writes that Cory Gardner, Colorado’s junior senator and part of the GOP Senate leadership (he has to raise a lot of money to keep the Republicans in the majority in 2018), wants Trump’s lackeys to put a pause button in the mega-billionaire’s Twitter account (Gardner didn't even vote for the leader of the free world).

 

 

 

When Bannon found out about that, he told Conway to put Gardner on the Gitmo list, as the two went strolling arm and arm into the Oval Office to help Trump write his next tweetstorm.

 

0 Comments

Fri

24

Feb

2017

Boehner To Return To Congress In 2019

John Boehner retired from Congress in 2015 because the Tea Party, which controls the GOP, drove him away. They drove him so crazy that he couldn’t wait until the 2016 election to leave Congress, thus requiring a special election, at taxpayers’ expense, to choose his successor.

 

Yesterday, at a healthcare conference in Orlando, the former Speaker predicted that the Affordable Care Act will not be “repealed and replaced.” All this was fully reported by Darius Tahir in yesterday’s Politico.

 

“Repeal and replace… is not what’s going to happen,” Boehner said. “They’re basically gonna fix the flaws and put a more conservative box around it.”

 

House Speaker Paul Ryan gave the House a week off this week, and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell obliged as well. Raucous town halls across the country, at which only a few Republican senators and Congressmen have dared to appear, have erupted in shouting matches, in which appropriately angry constituents have voiced their fears about the future of the Affordable Care Act, which is President Obama’s landmark legislation.

 

Medical care in the United States is done on a commercial, not a medical, model. Which is why the Affordable Care Act was passed, in 2010, with no Republicans in the Senate supporting it.

 

Associate solitary reporter Maggie Smith has been traveling around the country this week. She attended a town hall in Springdale, Arkansas, where the Toothpick State’s junior senator, Tom Cotton, was repeatedly challenged on his strenuous efforts to repeal the ACA.

 

Colorado’s junior senator, Cory Gardner, at 42 a rising star in the GOP, decided not to hold any town halls. So we wonder where Gardner is, as he decided not to hold any meetings in public forums where he would inevitably be shouted at.

 

At last report, Gardner — a chipmunk disguised as a politician —  was back in Yuma, Colorado (population 3,524), his home town. Yuma, on the vast Eastern Plains of Colorado, is in the fourth Congressional District, which is a safe seat for Republicans. Gardner gave up his safe seat representing the 4th Congressional District in 2014 to run against Sen. Mark Udall, a good Democrat who ran a crappy campaign against the smooth talking, upbeat Gardner.

 

Associate solitary reporter Philippa Johnson, who covers politics in Ohio for us, tells us that Boehner’s constituents in his suburban Cincinnati District have launched a petition to draft Boehner to run against Warren Davidson, the Republican Congressman who succeeded him, in 2018.

 

The plea of the voters of Ohio’s 8th Congressional District is sure to be repeated and replicated nationwide, and Davidson will inevitably resign his seat so that Boehner can return to Congress in January, 2019, when the House will be controlled by Democrats.

 

0 Comments

Thu

23

Feb

2017

Marijuana Enforcement Will Be Trump's Doom

Donald Trump’s tenure in the White House is sure to be short-lived.

 

His press secretary, Sean Spicer, announced today that there will be “greater enforcement” of federal marijuana laws.

 

So Alicia Wallace of the Denver Post’s Cannabis Desk promptly reported, “Greater enforcement of federal anti-marijuana laws may soon be coming."

 

Thus, the man who claims to support states’ rights, on such issues as reproductive rights and bathrooms for transgendered folks, will, no doubt, very soon tell Secretary of Defense James Mattis to send soldiers from Fort Carson, Colorado, to Denver, the Mile High City (which has recreational marijuana stores on virtually every corner) to shut down Colorado’s burgeoning marijuana industry.

 

Sensible people all around the nation (and, no doubt, elsewhere) are calling for the impeachment of the billionaire who lost the popular vote on November 8 to the best qualified presidential candidate since Michael Dukakis.

 

Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones briefed us moments ago on the key to the successful strategy for removing the mega-billionaire who really cares only about himself, self-aggrandizement, and money (by the way, Jones has walk-in privileges to the Oval Office, along with Steve Bannon, Reince Priebus, Jared Kushner, and Kellyanne Conway.) Jones says that everybody who has ever enjoyed pot will rise up and demand that their Members of Congress impeach Trump for enforcing federal laws against marijuana. “It’s a slam-dunk,” she told us. “The House will impeach and the Senate will convict, and then we get Mike Pence."

 

In 2012, on the same day the voters wisely gave Barack Obama a second term, Colorado voters foolishly, in Amendment 64, decided to permit the recreational sales of marijuana. But that did not change federal law. And Trump’s Attorney General doesn’t like marijuana, even though he knows full well that one of the few ways to deal with the policies of the current occupant of the White House is to get high on weed.

 

Jones tells us that the General Services Administration, which manages federal buildings, has already drawn up plans to modify Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Estates private club in Palm Beach for Trump’s exile.

 

0 Comments

Wed

22

Feb

2017

At The New African American Museum, Trump Blames Muslims for Anti-Semitic Threats

THE TRUMP ORGANIZATION, 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – During his tour of the new National Museum of African American History and Culture on the National Mall yesterday, Donald Trump spoke out against anti-Semitic threats targeting Jewish community centers, as reported by Politico’s Nolan McCaskill and Louis Nelson. 

 

“This tour [of the National Museum of African American History and Culture],” Trump said, "was a meaningful reminder of why we have to fight bigotry, intolerance and hatred in all of its very ugly forms.”

 

“[These] anti-Semitic threats… are horrible and are painful and a very sad reminder of the work that still must be done to root out hate and prejudice and evil.”

 

Trump spent about an hour touring the new museum, along with Senator Tim Scott (TP-South Carolina), daughter Ivanka Trump Kushner, and HUD Secretary nominee Ben Carson. Carson is the only African American nominated for a cabinet position. The Senate’s only other African American member, Cory Booker (D-New Jersey), was busy visiting his constituents in the Garden State, reminding them that 20 million Americans are about to lose their healthcare insurance when the Republicans repeal the Affordable Care Act.

 

Throughout the 2016 campaign, Trump battled allegations of anti-Semitic influences on his operation, including from Campaign Chairman Steve Bannon, the former Breitbart News CEO.

 

Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was standing right next to Trump when he whispered to Ivanka, “I’d much rather be visiting the Holocaust Museum, but Reince said I had to come here because it’s Black History Month.”

 

“That’s nice, Daddy,” Ivanka replied, “Dr. Carson looked like he was in Seventh-Day Adventist heaven, walking next to you.”

 

“Well, he damn well should. But what Bannon wanted me to say was that all those anti-Semitic threats came from Muslims.”

 

“But Daddy, how does Steve know that?”

 

“Honey, he doesn’t. But it fits right into our promises to my millions and millions and millions of supporters.”

 

“Don’t forget, I won the popular vote.”

 

“The only people I hate are the people who hate me, but there’s only a few of them. Everybody in Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Florida loves me, and millions of people in Colorado love me too."

----------------------

0 Comments