The latest news…

Sat

21

Jul

2018

Giuliani Does It Again As Trump Erupts in Yet Another Angry Tweet About How Michael Cohen Betrayed Him

CNN’s Veronica Stracqualursi, Gloria Borger, and Justice correspondent Evan Perez nailed it in today’s article, “Trump says ‘inconceivable’ that Cohen recorded conversation about ex-Playmate payment” (https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/21/politics/donald-trump-michael-cohen-taping/index.html).

 

Michael Cohen’s license to practice law in New York has not yet been revoked.

 

And unlike former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort, he’s not in jail, and he doesn’t want to go there either.

 

As Trump’s Fixer-in-Chief, Cohen was one of Trump’s most trusted lawyers within the Trump Organization, and Cohen encouraged him to run for the highest office in the land. He wanted Trump to appoint him to a cushy fixer-type job in the White House. As recently as this year, the two super-brash New Yorkers were seen socially at Mar-a-Lago.

 

He was so good at fixing situations for Trump that he paid hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels, who has shown no shyness at all in telling the world that she had an affair with the current occupant of the Oval Office — an office that comes with a lot of nukes.

 

Trump has been married three times, and his dalliances with women other than his wife are well known. Why do you think he was once the owner of the Miss Universe contest? Do you think it was so each successful Miss Universe contestant could receive a scholarship to Trump University?

 

Enter Karen McDougal, Playboy’s Playmate of the Month in December 1997. McDougal claims she had a ten-month affair with Trump. Guess who denies it?

 

Lawyers are supposed to represent their clients and to advocate in their best interests, so why would Cohen secretly record a conversation he had with Trump in September 2016, in Trump Tower?

 

Perhaps more to the point, why would Trump, this morning, erupt in anger (a quality he evidently cherishes?)

 

In April, the FBI raided Cohen’s office and residence, ending up with a small mountain of evidence. Included in that mountain is a recording which Cohen secretly made of a phone conversation that he had with his Trumpclient, two months before the November 2016 election. As the ever-robust and super-flamboyant Rudy Giuliani has said publicly, in that recorded phone conversation, Cohen and Trump discussed payment via Cohen to McDougal so she wouldn’t talk (in a National Enquirer story which that infamous tabloid planned not to publish because its editor thinks the world of Trump) about her affair with Trump, right before the election. But Giuliani, now Trump’s personal lawyer, thinks that’s no big deal. 

 

Telling the truth is not a virtue to which Trump aspires — for example, witness his semantic twists and turns since Helsinki. Let’s call him the Liar-in-Chief, but Putin’s better at it.

 

Our crack investigator, associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, has discovered even more tapes in the possession of the FBI.

 

Those tapes reveal that Trump explained in detail to Cohen why he so desperately wants to have a love affair with Vladimir Putin.

 

Cohen considers Rev. Al Sharpton as a great person to talk to, and the Rev is eager to talk about that tomorrow (https://www.politico.com/story/2018/07/20/trump-michael-cohen-tape-payments-734950. 

 

Isn’t it great these days to be a citizen of the USA?

Thu

19

Jul

2018

Stormy Daniels Visits Maria Butina at Undisclosed Location

Vladimir Putin's operatives love coming to the United States to subvert our political system.

 

This well-demonstrated fact became even more obvious yesterday when 29-year old Мари́я Бу́тина (Maria Butina), was in court in Washington, accused of numerous crimes on behalf of Putin. The judge appropriately denied her bail as she is an obvious flight risk. She’s being held somewhere near Washington at an undisclosed location.

 

CNN commentator Bob Baer, a former CIA undercover sleuth, told CNN’s Erin Burnett yesterday that Butina is probably a prostitute because that’s how the KBG works. It was reported on NPR yesterday that Butina made herself available for sex to men other than her American boyfriend Paul Erickson as part of her well-organized plan to find out, during the 2016 presidential campaign, whether Donald Trump would cancel sanctions against Russia for its flagrant violations of international law in Crimea .On January 20, 2017, she was at a poorly attended event in Washington where Trump ended his crummy speech with “America First” when what he really meant was that he and Putin would promptly launch a campaign to benefit Russia at the expense of America. Most of this is at https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/19/politics/maria-butina-alleged-russian-spy-what-we-know/index.html.

 

Butina came here in August 2016 on a tourist visa to make the acquaintance of Wayne LaPierre and the other gun nuts in the National Rifle Association as a means of gaining access to powerful pro-Trump Republican pols.

 

Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones has just found out exactly where Butina is being held. She’s at Quantico, the FBI training center in Virginia. And today, with Jones observing closely, Butina received a visit from Trump’s close personal friend Stormy Daniels.

 

“Maria,” Daniels said, “from one pro to another, I want to congratulate you on your numerous accomplishments."

 

“Thanks, Stormy," Butina replied, but can you arrange for me to have some intimate time with Trump? That way, I can get him to tell me when he plans to turn over the keys to the White House to my Great Leader, Vladimir Putin.”

 

“Sure, Maria, it’s all for a good cause. Us gals in this business know exactly how to get powerful men in the most compromising positions possible.”

 

“Leader Putin and leaderless Trump will be meeting again very soon,” Butina said, “so you take  Putin and I’ll take Trump, then you and I will get together and compare notes.”

 

“If nothing else,” Butina said, “it’ll make for a great book and a blockbuster movie."

Wed

18

Jul

2018

What's In the Secret Military Deal that Trump Made with Putin?

A day after Donald Trump pretended to walk back from his over the top warm embrace of brutal Russian dictator Vladimir Putin in Helsinki, now it seems that he made a secret deal with Putin having to do with military cooperation. Only trouble is, nobody except the two interpreters in the room knows what’s in it, and now Sen. Jeanne Shaheen, a Democrat who represents the libertarian Granite State of New Hampshire, wants to subpoena Trump’s interpreter to testify in front of the Foreign Relations Committee (https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/17/politics/trump-putin-russia-claim-military-agreements/index.html). The Russians have already announced that they are ready to meet with Trump’s underlings to implement the deal.

 

We reported on Monday about what happened when the ignoble two met (https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2018/07/16/full-details-of-trump-putin-meeting-in-helsinki/).

 

Sen. Shaheen’s demand puts Trump’s interpreter, associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonski, our Moscow Bureau Chief, in a very difficult position. Kheroshonski was born in New Haven, Connecticut, but he moved to Moscow at the age of two when his mother became President Roosevelt’s Ambassador to the USSR. And because of Trump’s travel ban and because he is very active with the Overseas Democrats, Trump’s Homeland Security Secretary, Kirstjen Nielsen, won’t let Kheroshonski into the land of the free and the home of the brave.

 

So we asked associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman to meet with Defense Secretary James Mattis and National Security Advisor John Bolton so she could tell us what’s in Trump’s secret military deal with Putin.

 

“Damned if I know,” Bolton told Sherman. “You’ll have to ask him.”

 

As a last resort, we asked associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones to find out. But Jones, who is with Trump day and night, was unavailable, as Trump was hitting a small white ball on a lot of manicured grass at Bedminister.

 

Mon

16

Jul

2018

Full Details of Trump-Putin Meeting in Helsinki

Now matter how carefully summits between world leaders are scripted, there is always more going on than can be surmised from the surface.

 

Today’s Putin-Trump meeting in Helsinki is no different.

 

We do know that when Donald and Vlad were first on camera, they were not smiling. No handshake. Trump stared straight ahead, and Putin looked uncomfortable. Putin made a few brief remarks which Trump didn’t understand, and then they shook hands for the cameras.

 

Next, they went into their two-hour private meeting, with only interpreters present. At Trump’s insistence, Pompeo and Lavrov were not there, no lower-level staff either.

 

The prevailing view as to why is that Trump didn’t want anyone to interrupt him or undercut him — no leaks. That’s not surprising, because, on a daily basis, he undercuts the people who are, unbelievably, still working for him.

 

But we here at AP have ways of getting around all that secrecy.

 

Trump’s interpreter is Foma Kheroshonski. He is our Moscow Bureau Chief. 

 

This is a brief summary of what happened:

 

“Vlad old buddy, glad to see you, wondering why there was no Mrs. Putin at the opening ceremony.”

 

“There is no Mrs. Putin any more. I ditched Lyudmila four years ago.”

 

“I hope you noticed, Vlad, how good Melania looked.”

 

Immediately, Pussy Riot leader Nadezhda Tolokonnikova entered the room, escorted by Kheroshonski. She’s the activist who, with her fella Pussy Riot leaders, was convicted in 2012 of “hooliganism motivated by religious hatred” after a performance at the Moscow Cathedral of Christ the Savior and sentenced to two years’ imprisonment.

 

To see why Putin blanched in horror as soon as Tolokonnikova broke past the security guards to taunt him, check out her video at https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/15/europe/pussy-riot-world-cup/index.html, and you will immediately be struck by the fact that Tolokonnikova speaks better English than Trump. In the video, she says that Trumpistic populism is spreading virulently around the world, the same way that sexually transmitted disease is spread.

 

Putin recovered quickly, but Trump, who never has a script, seized on the moment to torment Putin for his failure to have anything comparable to his Hollywood Access tape, in which Trump famously bragged on camera about his ability to do anything he wants with women because he’s a star. When the Hollywood Access tape became public in October 2016, millions of pussy hats suddenly emerged on the American landscape at anti-Trump protests. Trump’s only regret about that is that he didn’t rake in a lot of cash from sales of those hats.

 

Trump then turned to Putin and said, “Vlad, I want to do some things to help you out, and I guarantee that I will get Congress to waive all of Obama’s sanctions.”

 

“Go ahead and take over all of Ukraine, not just the east. You guys did the right thing by annexing Crimea.”

 

Putin smiled cautiously.

 

“And I want you to take over all of Syria. There are too many American soldiers being killed over there, and I need for Rand Paul to know that I have his back.”

 

Putin reached out and shook Trump’s hand vigorously.

 

“And Vlad, I want you and me to motor over to St. Petersburg so I can meet those twelve brave Russian military intelligence officers who were named in Mueller’s indictment on Friday. I don’t for a moment want you to extradite them to the US, because that’s something you guys don’t do anyway. I just want to thank them for proving my point that all this talk about how you Russians meddled in our election, that was all Obama’s fault.”

 

Putin left the room briefly to tell Lavrov to make the necessary arrangements for the impromptu trip to St. Petersburg. Then he walked in with Edward Snowden; Snowden was handcuffed and gagged and thus unable to impress Putin with his ability to speak Russian. Trump stared at Snowden and asked Putin to leave him alone with the former NSA contractor who blew the whistle on how the NSA conducts secret surveillance. During his 2016 campaign, Trump said that if he could get his hands on Snowden, he would have him executed. As he recovered from his surprise at seeing Snowden, he texted Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen and told her to take Snowden away and put him in Gitmo as an act of mercy. Then Trump said, “Thanks for that, I really appreciate it, but Vlad, please quit making videos about how easy it would be for you to nuke Florida, because I want us to have a nice cozy meeting at my Mar-a-Lago."

 

Then Putin raised the issue of NATO. Anticipating Putin’s needs, Trump said that if Putin will visit him at Mar-a-Lago for a great photo-op, he will immediately withdraw from NATO as an act of respect for Russian sovereignty.

 

Sun

15

Jul

2018

Macron, Putin Revisit the Napoleonic Wars as Macron Celebrates France's Victory Over Croatia in the World Cup

Yesterday, we compared the 1789 storming of the Bastille to Donald Trump’s totally unhelpful and disgraceful visit to the UK (https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2018/07/14/how-trump-s-visit-to-the-uk-resembled-the-storming-of-the-bastille-fake-news-association-is-announced-at-the-white-house/).

 

This caused associate solitary reporter and chief international correspondent Larry Theis, who is fluent in Russian, Ukrainian, German, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Hungarian, Polish, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Tagalog, and dozens of other languages, including (to a considerably lesser extent) English, to confer with Macron and Vladimir Putin today in Moscow’s Luzhniki Statium as Macron and Theis celebrated France’s victory over Croatia, 4-2. Croatia’s 46-year old president, Kolinda Grabar-Kitarovic, stayed in Zagreb during the match, out of concern that she might be hit on by numerous Russian goons.

 

“Larry,” Macron said, “yesterday, your colleague, associate solitary reporter Dana Packwood, provided AP readers with a compelling narrative, in which Theresa May revisited the War of 1812 by planning to launch a full-scale attack on the upstart United States after Donald Trump publicly trashed her ahead of his meeting tomorrow with his close personal friend Vladimir Putin, who is sitting here right next to me.”

 

“Although the United States was only a footnote on the world stage in 1812,” Macron continued, "our glorious Napoleon I marched into Moscow in 1812. But for the Russian Winter, he would have defeated Tsar Alexander I and captured all of Russia, all the way to Russia's Pacific coast.”

 

Putin interjected, “Emmanuel, you seem to forget that we glorious Russians chased Napoleon all the way to Paris in an ignominious retreat.”

 

“And that’s my strategy for re-establishing the Soviet Empire,” Putin continued, “and that dolt Trump is such a putz, nobody can stop me now.”

 

As all this was taking place, Putin told associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonski, “Foma, after I retake Bulgaria and Romania, I’m heading straight to Croatia. It was Communist under Yugoslavia’s Tito, and it's Tito’s unacceptable refusal to be part of Stalin’s Soviet Union that I am revisiting now, as long as we are talking about rewriting history.”

 

“Josef Stalin was the greatest leader the world has ever known,” Putin added. Putin has recently condemned Armando Iannuci’s 2017 satirical film, The Death of Stalin, for misrepresenting the Golden Age of Soviet Communism.

 

Everybody knows that when Putin meets a greatly weakened Trump tomorrow in Helsinki, Trump will give Putin anything he wants. Putin prepares for summits meticulously, while Trump just breezes in and out of summits, with no preparation, treating them all the while as photo-ops.

 

As Macron continued his friendly chat with Theis, Macron glowed with pride as he said, “Larry, did you notice how many black players were on France’s team? And that Croatia’s team was all-white? Kylian Mbappe scored our fourth goal, and he’s only 19, and born in Paris."

 

Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was with Trump as he arrived today in Helsinki. Trump told Jones that he plans to ask Putin to introduce him, in Moscow, to the twelve Russian military hackers who were indicted by Special Counsel Robert Mueller on Friday. “Johanna, I want to meet them and thank them for helping me be where I am today."