The latest news…

Fri

25

May

2018

Why John Bolton Is Really, Really Happy; Update on Harvey Weinstein

The current occupant of the Oval Office managed to get in there with no foreign policy experience, no military leadership, and no previous experience as having been elected to anything.

 

His total lack of experience shows.

 

Governed as always by his gonads and his own narcissism, yesterday he precipitously cancelled his planned meeting in Singapore with Kim Jong-un, without, from what associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun and others tell us, even bothering to tell South Korea’s Moon Jae-in.

 

All this made John Bolton, Donald Trump’s National Security Advisor, very happy.

 

It was Bolton who insisted that North Korea follow the “Libyan model” of denuclearization.

 

Libya’s megalomaniac leader, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, agreed to denuke in 2003, after his oil-rich, desert nation had been gearing up its nuclear weapons program for ten years (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disarmament_of_Libya).

 

Then, in 2011, Gaddafi ended up on the business end of a bayonet during a civil war. Accounts at the time suggested that the bayonet penetrated a tender part of his body.

 

Kim Jong-un is about as fat as Donald Trump, but he has much better impulse control.

 

As Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said yesterday, Kim III “has been playing us.”

 

Moments ago, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones confronted Bolton in the West Wing and demanded to know why Bolton had chosen to tube the Singapore summit between Trump and Kim Jong-un.

 

“B___h, get out of my way! I’m too busy preparing plans for a nuclear attack on Pyongyang.”

 

“And Seth Rogen and James Franco, the stars of The Interview, are my principal advisers.”

 

Meanwhile, Harvey Weinstein has been ‘cuffed in New York, and is at this very moment plotting how to turn his upcoming criminal trials into a blockbuster movie.

 

Wed

23

May

2018

Trump Orders Elaborate Going Away Party at Mar-a-Lago for Michael Cohen Before His Sing Sing Incarceration

One of Donald Trump’s numerous personal lawyers, Michael Cohen, is on his way to prison.

 

Not quite yet though.

 

First, there will be a trial, and a conviction. Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman is firmly convinced that the majority of the jurors will be Muslim women, Latinas, and African American women. No Jewish women on the jury.

 

Stephanie Clifford will not be on the jury.

 

In today’s Politico, Associated Press (a subsidiary of Apocryphal Press), writes (“Cohen partner pleads guilty in deal requiring cooperation”) about the guilty plea of Cohen’s partner, Evgeny Freidman (https://www.politico.com/story/2018/05/23/evgeny-freidman-cohen-partner-pleads-guilty-603435).

 

Freidman is well known in Manhattan as the Taxi King. He pleaded guilty yesterday in Albany in an Empire State tax fraud case, after prosecutors charged him with placing, directly into his own deep pockets, a mere five million dollars in mandatory per ride transportation fees.

 

The plea deal requires Friedman to cooperate with prosecutors.

 

ASR Sherman interviewed Friedman in the well of the Albany courtroom before he was taken away by the deputy sheriffs.

 

“I’ve always known that Michael Cohen is a total scumbag,” Friedman told Sherman. “I got the goods on him.”

 

ASR Sherman immediately told associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones about what Friedman had just said and, as is her constant habit (but Jones is not a nun, anything but) our most important associate solitary reporter immediately told Trump.

 

Of course, Trump has no positive regard at all for New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, a Democrat, but that didn’t stop him. Trump immediately picked up his high-risk cell phone and tried to reach the governor, but was immediately rebuffed by Cuomo’s chief of staff.

 

Increasingly furious, and knowing full well that Friedman, by his testimony, is going to send Cohen to Sing Sing Prison in Ossining, New York, Trump told General John Kelly to prepare an extremely elaborate going away party for Cohen at Mar-a-Lago.

 

ASR was not invited to the party, but that did not phase her in the least.

Tue

22

May

2018

Trump's DHS Secretary Prepares for Putin's Takeover of Whatever Trump Can't Figure Out

In 1966, in his first film role, Alan Arkin solved all problems between the Soviet Union and the United States in The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming.

 

Donald Trump’s Homeland Security Secretary, Kirstjen Nielsen, supposedly a national security expert, and who used to be White House Chief of Staff General John Kelly’s Deputy Chief of Staff at the White House, said in a congressional hearing not so long ago that she was unaware of the intelligence community's unanimous conclusion that Russia did its utmost to undermine our democracy in 2016 (https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/22/politics/kirstjen-nielsen-election-russia-meddling/index.html).

 

Vladimir Putin didn’t like Hillary Clinton, but he clearly wanted Trump to win the 2016 presidential election.

 

It’s also clear that Putin and his well-trusted band of hackers insist on disrupting our mid-term elections this year.

 

The well-developed plan of Putin & Co. is, essentially, to undermine our democracy without nuking us.

 

That’s because Putin, who actually, unlike Trump, knows what he wants and how to get it, is playing Trump for a dumb s___.

 

So is Kim Jong-un, by the way (https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/21/opinions/north-korea-trump-summit-upper-hand-fischer/index.html).

 

Trump knows he’s gonna lose the mid-terms bigtime, so his loudest and least-qualified mouthpiece, Rudy Giuliani, who thinks he knows everything and that he can do everything, is trying to get Special Counsel Robert Mueller III to finish up his investigation into Russian collusion with the 2016 Trump campaign, quick-quick (https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/22/politics/trump-legal-team-scope-robert-mueller-interview/index.html).

 

Moments ago, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones spoke with the third Mrs. Trump.

 

“I miss Slovenia so very much,” Melania said. “And what’s his name just appointed me as his Ambassadress to my homeland.”

 

“I’m taking Barron with me. Byebye.”

 

Jones also asked Trump, shortly before he threw her onto the White House lawn for the fifteenth time, when he plans to resign. That was right after Trump told Jones that the fourth Mrs. Trump will be Karen McDougal.

 

Sun

20

May

2018

Why Trump Loves to Hate His Own FBI; Colorado's Leading Republican Gubernatorial Candidate Caught in a Little White Lie

Never one to avoid an opportunity to lambast his own FBI (he hasn’t the faintest idea about the presumed independence of the people who office in the J. Edgar Hoover Building on Pennsylvania Avenue), Donald Trump is now p’d at them for sending an informant to multiple campaigns in 2016 (https://www.politico.com/story/2018/05/19/trump-fbi-informant-russia-probe-598051; https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/19/politics/trump-informant-campaign-wiretaps-tweets-conspiracy/index.html).

 

“If the FBI or DOJ was infiltrating a campaign for the benefit of another campaign, that is a really big deal,” he wrote on Twitter (where else?).

 

On Friday night, the Times reported that an unnamed FBI informant talked to two campaign advisers who allegedly had suspicious contacts with individuals linked to Russia.

 

The Times did not name the informant, but described the person as an “American academic who teaches in Britain” and who made contact with Trump foreign policy advisers George Papadopoulos and Carter Page.

 

It is very unclear to associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman how much longer FBI Director Christopher Wray will last.

 

Elsewhere, the third Mrs. Trump has left the hospital, but, according to associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, she is not at all happy being back in the White House (who would be?).

 

In the Centennial State, Colorado’s Republican State Treasurer, Walker Stapleton, told a white lie when he said that he “… was the only [state] treasurer in the country with the courage to support Donald Trump’s tax cuts”, as reported in The Colorado Independent  (http://www.coloradoindependent.com/2018-governor-race).

 

Wrong.

 

Walker Stapleton is one of 31 Republican state treasurers across the country, and many of them supported Trump’s benefit-the-rich tax plan (https://www.9news.com/article/news/truth-test-walker-stapleton-oversells-trump-bonafides/73-552783045).

 

Stapleton is part of the Bush political dynasty, he has a lot of money, he’s overweight, and he’s the front runner in Colorado’s GOP primary on June 26.

 

Stapleton had the temerity to defeat Colorado State Treasurer Cary Kennedy when she ran for reelection in 2010.

 

It’s going to be a rematch, Kennedy vs. Stapleton, in November, because Kennedy will win the four-way Democratic primary for governor, on June 26.

 

She is the only candidate for governor on the Democratic side with nine years of executive experience in government in Colorado.

 

In January 2019, she'll be sworn in as Colorado's first woman governor, along with Secretary of State Jena Griswold, Attorney General Phil Weiser, and State Treasurer Dave Young.

 

And Denver's Congresswoman and the Dean of the Colorado delegation, Diana DeGette, will easily defeat her Republican challenger after she survives a nasty primary challenge.

 

Thu

17

May

2018

Huckabee Sanders: Mueller Won't Indict Trump, but One of Mueller's Top Lawyers Knows Otherwise

The current occupant of the White House is a totally unscrupulous politician, and, thus, high-quality newspapers have very special obligations during these very interesting times.

 

And we here at AP accept that responsibility.

 

Donald Trump’s loudmouth lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, has been in regular contact with the office of Special Counsel Robert Mueller, according to an article in yesterday’s New York Times by Michael Schmidt, Maggie Haberman, and Charlie Savage.

 

Rudy Giuliani is a prince of grandiosity, and his client, Donald Trump, is an emperor of grandiosity. Both men thrive on being the center of attention. Trump, especially, requires constant adulation, which is why he so frequently indulges himself in his deplorable campaign-style rallies.

 

Yesterday’s article in the Times says that “… Mueller… will not indict Trump if he finds wrongdoing in his investigation of Trump campaign links to Russia, according to Trump’s lawyers. They [Trump’s lawyers] said Wednesday that Mr. Mueller’s investigators told them that he would adhere to the Justice Department’s view that the Constitution bars prosecuting sitting presidents."

 

But, what about the concept, deeply ingrained in the American legal system, that no person is above the law? No problem there. Trump's previous lawyer, John Dowd, says that the president of the United States is simply too busy to be bothered with an interview under oath conducted by the Special Counsel.

 

Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman has many years under her belt of finding the truth because of her highly developed investigative skills. Her secret sources trust her at all times.

 

Early this morning, Sherman spoke at length with Zainab Ahmad, one of the key members of Mueller’s team. Before being reassigned to the Special Counsel, Ahmad, a Pakistani-American no less, served as an Assistant United States Attorney In Brooklyn, where she successfully prosecuted several high-profile cases.

 

Ahmad told Sherman, “Susanna, Giuliani is really good at making headlines for the media, just like his client.”

 

“Believe me, Susanna, we’ve got the goods on Trump. I only have a precious few minutes to talk with you, because I’m on my way to the grand jury room. We are getting ready to indict Trump for obstruction of justice and for colluding with Russia.”

 

So ASR Sherman, who has credentials as a member of the White House press Corps, went straight to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Trump’s mouthpiece, and, in a private conversation while Sanders was wearing one of her frumpiest dresses, demanded to know the Mar-a-Lago guy’s reaction to what Ahmad had told her.

 

Huckabee Sanders, who is not petite, immediately pulled Sherman’s White House Press Corps credentials and bodily threw her out of her office.