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In a Sealed Indictment, Mueller Charges Putin; Tillerson Resigns

Yesterday, Special Counsel Robert Mueller III’s grand jury in our Nation’s Capital indicted thirteen Russian operatives who disrupted our 2016 presidential election.


Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, sensing that Mueller is saving the best for last, went to the top-secret storage room in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, where her colleague, associate solitary reporter Carter Chambers, a clerk in the Criminal Division of the Court, handed her the sealed indictment. Chambers made sure that nobody else was nearby.


Mueller’s secret indictment charges Russian dictator Vladimir Putin with having hatched a plan to take over the United States by the end of his dictatorship, through sophisticated hacking and undercover operations.


When Sherman told Donald Trump’s Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, the former Exxon Mobil CEO, he exploded in rage, and announced his resignation (without talking to his boss). “I’ve been working tirelessly,” Tillerson told Sherman, “to restore good relations with the Kremlin. Now Mueller’s dashed all my hopes. I’m done.”


After hearing this news, CIA Director and former Wichita Congressman Mike Pompeo salivated at the chance to succeed Tillerson, and so did UN Ambassador and former Palmetto State Gov. Nikki Haley, who is well known for being a hawk against Russia and Iran, which will endear her to the Republican establishment.





White House Staff All Looking for Other Jobs, With No Success

There are many reasons why government here in the land of the free and the home of the brave ain’t what it should be. Ask the voters of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania.


As Politico’s Nancy Cook wrote yesterday, “[The] White House [staff is] left feeling rudderless as Trump hangs back in crisis: after failing to arrest and even extending the scandal over a senior aide's clearance status amid domestic abuse allegations, [Trump] took a low-key approach on the Florida shootings ("


Enter associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who always has the scoop.


On Wednesday, Nikolas Cruz killed 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in southern Florida, using an AR-15 rifle. And how did Donald Trump respond? Did he say anything about how there are way too many assault weapons and other guns in the USA?


He said that Cruz was mentally ill.


When the shooting occurred, Trump told Jones, “Johanna, I am a ferocious advocate of the Second Amendment, so I knew that this would happen sometime between now and when I hand over the reins of government to Pence, but I can’t tweet anything or say anything about that Florida shooting until Wayne LaPierre tells me what to say.”


When the shooting occurred, associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman pounded on LaPierre’s office door for a full 59 minutes, demanding his response. Eventually, he came out and told Sherman, “There are over eight million of those exquisite, beautiful AR-15 style rifles in the United States, and we're not giving any of them up, no matter what you and Pelosi and Schumer say.”


Trump, who has always treated women as objects, praised former Staff Secretary Rob Porter, who was fired by Chief of Staff John Kelly on February 7, obviously taking Porter’s side when he said that Porter had denied the allegations of his two ex-wives, “and I think you have to remember that.”


Cook’s article says that numerous White House staffers are looking for jobs outside the Trump Administration, but, as Jones tells us, nobody will hire them.


Now that the Senate has killed any chance of sensible immigration legislation, Trump has turned his full attention to his bogus infrastructure plan, in which a paltry two hundred billion of federal money has been offered to repair America’s massively crumbling infrastructure, with state and local governments required to pay more than eighty per cent of the actual cost, which is much, much higher than $200 billion.






With Kelly Gone, Trump Promotes Sarah Huckabee Sanders to Chief of Staff; Kellyanne Conway Replaces Huckabee Sanders as WH Press Secretary; FBI Director Christo

Seems that White House Chief of Staff Gen. John Kelly, a man deeply schooled in military discipline, was blindsided by former Staff Secretary Rob Porter.


The Staff Secretary is entrusted with handling the most sensitive documents, and, therefore, whoever holds that job is required to have the highest level of security clearance.


That never happened with Porter. He only had interim security clearance.


And now, we have just learned that Porter did such a good job working under Gen. Kelly that plans were afoot to promote him to a higher position in the White House (


Moments ago, with associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones observing even more closely than usual, Donald Trump announced that Kelly, who took the jobs as Trump's Secretary of Homeland Security, and then White House Chief of Staff, primarily out of a sense of duty, has resigned “to spend more time with his family.”


Kelly had come under increasing criticism for not assuring that Porter would be satisfactorily cleared for the responsibility inherent in his office.


At the same time that Trump announced, with deep regret, that Kelly had resigned, he also announced that he has fired FBI Director Christopher Wray. Wray has twice crossed the White House: the first time, when he expressed grave reservations about releasing the notorious Nunes-GOP Memo, and today he upended the White House’s timeline about when it learned of domestic abuse allegations against Porter (


Wray is the second FBI Director to be fired by Trump, as Special Counsel Robert Mueller III closes in on Trump’s collusion with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin during the 2016 presidential campaign.


As ASR Jones watched in fascination, Trump said, “To replace General Kelly, I have appointed Sarah Huckabee Sanders as White House Chief of Staff.”


“Sarah totally shares my view that CNN and the rest of the liberal media, all they do is send out fake news.”


“I’ve watched her press briefings, and I like, very much, how she beats up on the press. All the press wants to do is to bring me down, except for my close personal friends at Fox News.”


“Effective immediately, my close personal friend Kellyanne Conway, my campaign manager, will assume the position of White House Press Secretary.”


“My Administration is all about alternative facts. Kellyanne will be great.”


With that, Trump stood up and walked out of the room, as the White House reporters screamed questions, and Trump gave them all the finger.






Trump, Kim Jong-un Weigh in on Next Olympic Venues

Although he is primarily governed by his ungovernable testosterone, Donald Trump is thinking ahead to the next Olympics.


In a conversation earlier today with associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, Trump said that the next Summer Olympics must be held at one of his resorts, preferably Bedminster in New Jersey or Mar-a-Lago in Florida.


“Johanna,” he began, “all I really care about is how to make more money. The Olympics is a great moneymaker, but with all the power I have, I should be able to make the International Olympic Committee bend to my will.”


When Jones asked Trump why he refuses to allow the House Intelligence Committees rejoinder to the Nunes-GOP Memo to be made public, Trump said, “I am being extremely fair to the Democrats, but they are being extremely unfair to me."


Associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun is covering the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang. There, his primary interest revolves around how angry Mike Pence is about the United States being excluded from any conversations between South Korean President Moon Jae-in and Kim Jong-un’s extremely powerful younger sister, Kim Yo-jong, who runs Kim’s Propaganda and Agitation Department of the Workers’ Party of North Korea.


Ko was granted a private conversation with Kim Yo-jung. There, he asked her whether her brother plans to demand that the IOC schedule the next Winter Olympics in her brother’s workers’ paradise. “Definitely,” she said. “It is the absolute obligation of the IOC to showcase our democracy. You mustn’t forget that my brother is the democratically elected leader of the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of Korea.”


When Ko told Jones what Kim Yo-jung said, Jones told Trump, who erupted in a twitterrage and called IOC President Thomas Bach. “Bach, you gotta have the next Summer Olympics at Bedminster or Mar-a-Lago."


But when Bach, a former Olympic fencer from Germany, told Trump that the Summer Olympics in 2020 will be held in Los Angeles, Trump demanded that Bach change the schedule to highlight his re-eleciton campaign. When Bach declined, Trump cancelled diplomatic relations with Germany.





High Midnight at the Capitol; Trump Chastised by Conway

Yesterday at midnight, Sen. Rand Paul (TP-Kentucky) and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi created quite a bit of drama (


Neither got what they wanted.


Federal employees couldn’t go to work for six hours, but they are diligently back at work now after Congress decided, after all, to keep the government working, for a few more weeks anyway.


Some 70 Democrats in the House voted with Republicans, even though the Dems lost out on helping the Dreamers.


And for a few desperate minutes, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s junior colleague from Kentucky had all the lights focused on him.


A former ophthalmologist with no clear vision for the future, Sen. Paul, a deficit hawk, was approached by associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith.


“Rand,” she began, “how's hangin'?”


“Melissa, I’m gonna start a new party, and it will be no surprise to you that I’m leaving the GOP and establishing the Tea Party, and Sarah Palin is right in there with me.”


“That’s Interesting, Rand, will you be running against Donald Trump in 2020?”


“I’ve already raised $40 million for my campaign, with the help of my close personal friends, Charles and David Koch.”


“And Sarah has agreed to be my running mate.”


Meanwhile at the White House, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was very busy.


Trump exploded at his communications director, Hope Hicks, for letting her judgment about now-fired Staff Secretary Rob Porter get in the way of her job because of her romantic attachment to him. At the same time, Trump deliberately showed no sympathy at all for Porter’s ex-wives.


Then his former campaign manager, and now Counselor, Kellyanne Conway, chastised him for favoring men over women.