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Exclusive Report on Trump's Private Meeting With Saudi Crown Prince: Trump Gives Mohammed bin Salman Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal for His Harem
Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (محمد بن سلمان بن عبدالعزيز آل سعود) is only 32, and Son-in-Law-in-Chief Jared Kushner — who successfully cultivated Salman during his father-in-law’s sumptuous reception in Riyadh last year — is only 37.
Yesterday, MBS, as the Crown Prince is known, met with Donald Trump, a dirty old man who is 71 and still very lusty, in the White House.
Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones attended their meeting.
Always needing to be in full control, Trump began their conversation, which lasted for only five minutes, for the photo op.
“Keep up the pressure on those damnable rebels in Yemen, because they are just proxies for Iran.”
“Sir,” the Crown Prince replied. “I fully intend to do that, but I will need at least a doubling of your military support.”
Glancing at Kushner, but not at Jones, Trump said, “No problem there.”
“But I need your help with something.”
“What’s that, Sir?"
“Since I have given you so much military aid, especially with my warplanes, I want you to take out Robert Mueller. We’ll give you all the coordinates you need, because we always know exactly where he is.”
MBS replied eagerly. “Sir, because of the lasting friendship between our two countries — a friendship which Dick Cheney did a brilliant job of nurturing and expanding -- we can easily do that for you, especially since Jared and I are such close personal friends.”
“I have been reading a great deal, with considerable interest, Sir, about all the women in your life.”
“You have had three trophy wives, and you have had many other very fun relationships with beautiful, sexy women that you have not been married to.”
Trump began to experience a small amount of anxiety at this, but, impetuous as he always is, he responded quickly.
“Since I am doubling, or maybe even tripling, our military support for your kingdom, how about doing me a favor? I’ll throw in Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal as part of the deal. Take them with you, keep them there for the rest of their lives, keep them from saying anything to reporters about how much I enjoyed having sex with them, and make them part of your harem. But I have to warn you, they’re both very expensive.”
“Sir," MBS replied, immediately, “with all my oil wealth, that’s no problem at all. They’re both really sexy women, we have no #Me Too movement in our Kingdom, and so far, I have only one wife."
Mueller Subpoenas Trump's Digital Guru, Cambridge Analytica, and Zuckerberg, and, for Good Measure, Tells Kelly et al. to Fire Rosenstein
Knowing full well that he is about to be fired, Special Counsel Robert Mueller III has subpoenaed Donald Trump’s media guru, Brad Parscale, as well as Alexander Nix, the CEO of Cambridge Analytica, and Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman was with Mueller as he issued the subpoenas.
Trump has already hired Parscale to run the digital part of his re-election campaign. When Congressional investigators questioned him last year about the obvious collusion between Vladimir Putin and Trump, Parscale stayed mum (https://www.politico.com/story/2018/03/19/trump-russian-digital-parscale-470263).
Trump has also just hired big-time Washington lawyer Joseph DiGenova to defend him from Mueller. DiGenova insists that former FBI Director James Comey is guilty of a crime and that the Justice Department concocted a false crime to take down Trump (https://www.politico.com/story/2018/03/19/trump-hires-joseph-digenova-470730).
Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was with Trump as he barked out to his Chief of Staff, Gen. John Kelly, and his White House Counsel, Don McGahn, telling them to instruct Deputy Attorney General Rob Rosenstein to fire Mueller and, as well, to tell Attorney General Jeff Sessions to fire Rosenstein. Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee jumped up and down with glee and prepared to tell her always hostile audience of White House reporters of Trump’s decision. She was wearing brass knuckles as she entered the press briefing room.
Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith was with South Carolina’s senior senator, Lindsey Graham, a Republican, as he prepared a speech which he will deliver on the Senate floor denouncing the firings. See https://www.politico.com/story/2018/03/18/congress-trump-mueller-republicans-fired-470062?lo=ap_c1.
No big surprise, but it seems as though Vladimir Putin will be Russia’s very, very authoritarian leader for six more years — unless he freezes in Siberia while trying to show off his machismo.
If you thought that Cambridge Analytica has something to do with Cambridge, Massachusetts, guess again.
It’s a privately held company in which megabig Donald Trump supporter Robert Mercer has a very substantial investment. It was founded by Mercer and Trump’s former campaign chairman and chief strategist, Steve Bannon.
Cambridge Analytica, a “psychographics company," combines data mining and data analysis with strategic communication for the electoral process. It worked for Ted Cruz’s failed 2016 presidential campaign, and then it worked for Trump’s presidential campaign, as well as on the disastrously successful Brexit campaign. It’s now under criminal investigation in the UK and in Massachusetts (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambridge_Analytica).
Politico’s Steven Overly tells us that Cambridge Analytica exploited data on 50 million Facebook users (https://www.politico.com/story/2018/03/17/facebook-trump-campaign-data-cambridge-analytica-423599).
Today, NPR’s Amy Held reported that Facebook has removed Cambridge Analytica from its platforms, saying that the company improperly received Facebook user data and then (most likely) failed to get rid of it, despite promises that it had done so (https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/03/17/594550593/facebook-suspends-political-data-firm-used-in-trump-campaign).
Associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonsky, who is based in Moscow, interviewed Putin earlier today, but failed to congratulate him on his victory. Putin told Kheroshonsky that now that he has much more power than Trump does, he is in the process of purchasing Cambridge Analytica. “Any company that can do that much harm is a company that I need.”
“Most likely,” Putin continued, "Cambridge Analytica can not only guarantee that my close political and personal friend Donald Trump will be reelected in 2020, but it will enable me to quash any effort by the UK to prevent me from continuing to murder my former spies who are living there."
Yesterday, less than two days before he would have qualified for a full retirement pension, Donald Trump's Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, fired former FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe. Read all about it in yesterday’s Politico article by Elana Schor, “McCabe says his Russia probe work sparked smear campaign before firing” (https://www.politico.com/story/2018/03/16/mccabe-fired-fbi-justice-retirement-468647).
As Schor writes, “The dismissal from his decades-long home marks an ignominious end to a once-storied career for McCabe. That departure came ahead of an Inspector General’s inquiry that is expected to criticize his handling of an October 2016 media report on his wife's failed run for the Virginia State Senate and his handling of investigations into Hillary Clinton.”
Not only that, but Special Counsel Robert Mueller III has memos written by McCabe about his conversations with Trump (https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/17/politics/mccabe-memos-trump/index.html).
Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, whom we constantly send to cover the GOP’s never-ending misdeeds, confronted Sessions as he was continuing his daily struggle to stay in office.
“Susanna,” Sessions began, “Ah always act with Complete Honesty because Ah am a very distinguished Southern Gentleman. Mah decision was absolut'ly correkt both politically and, more importantly, morally.”
"McCabe’s wife, Jill McCabe — see, she didn’t even bother to use her name, she used his, instead — was runnin' for the State Senate in Virginia as a Democrat, and then-Governor Terry McAuliffe — don’t forget, McAuliffe used to run the DNC, and he’s very close to Bill and Hillary — and he and his cronies gave Jill McCabe $467,000 for her campaign, while McCabe held one of the top jobs in the whole Justice Department."
“But General,” Sherman shot back, “don’t you think it looks really bad, like sour grapes, to say the least, to fire a long-time Justice Department guy just before he qualifies for a full retirement pension, after your boss, Donald Trump — who, among other things, expected you to be his personal lawyer — was all over Twitter blasting Mr. McCabe?”
“Susanna, you are the most naive reporter Ah has ever met. This is Washington. Here in Washington, we-all dearly love livin’ in a swamp."