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Donald Trump and the Constitution

In this apocryphal newspaper, our biggest target has inevitably been Donald Trump. For example, when it comes to constitutional law, we have frequently said that Trump wants to replace the First Amendment with the Second Amendment.


But yesterday he did us one better: he said that the Constitution should be dispensed with so that his preposterous claims of electoral victimhood can truimph:


So he wants to take an oath of his own creation, in which he will have all the secular power imaginable. At last report from associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, he’ll look to the Oath Keepers to provide an oath that will enhance his power to whatever levels he chooses.


Numerous Republican elected officials have condemned Trump’s claim, having reflected on the oaths they took when they assumed office, so for once we may be seeing a Parting of the Ways between Trump and Republican office holders.






In Which We Fail to Express Our Condolences to Iowa's Junior GOP senator about the DNC's Decision to Move South Carolina's Presidential Primary Ahead of Iowa's

For decades, we here at AP have lambasted the small state of New Hampshire for insisting, under state law, that the Granite State must hold the First in the Nation Presidential Primary.


Meaning that if a Republican or Democratic politician visits New Hampshire when speculation starts swirling around whether such and such a politician wants to be president, the answer is yes if they make frequent trips to New Hampshire.


New Hampshire has a minuscule number of voters of color, and it is so small that it has only two members of the U S House of Representatives.


Democratic political activists and President Biden have now hoisted New Hampshire on its own petard because the Democratic National Committee has decided that South Carolina’s presidential primary has to go first. Congressman James Clyburn, an African American Member who is almost as old as Nancy Pelosi — and who also was a major factor in securing the nomination for Joe Biden — represents a state where African Americans make up some one third of the population of the Palmetto State. 


As soon as the DNC announced its decision, Iowa’s junior senator, Joni Ernest, protested vigorously because Iowa will no longer be able to hold its troubled caucus before New Hampshire’s primary  

(, and she said that the RNC must not do what the DNC has done (and it won’t). Ernst yelled that “Democrats have really given middle America the middle finger."


Our Chief New Hampshire reporter, Patricia Jameson, went to see the Granite State’s Republican governor, Chris Sununu, to get his reaction.  


“Patricia,” he began, “Leave it to the Democrats to antagonize the Trump base.”


Speaking of Donald Trump, did you see how he now wants to dump the Constitution to bolster his claim that he won the 2020 election? (


That caused associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman to ask associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones whether RNC Chair Ronna Romney McDaniel, who is part of the RNC’s establishment wing, has spoken with the District of Columbia health department, which could institutionalize Trump and keep him confined in a mental health hospital for the rest of his life.






See How Biden's ICE Treats Brave Russian Dissidents; Ye Triumphs at Mar-a-Lago

Because Vladimir Putin is a ruthless dictator whose tactics mirror those of his close personal friend Xi Jinping, many Russians, especially young professionals, have fled Mother Russia to seek asylum in the United States.
Maybe it’s because Donald Trump hates immigrants, but ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement, part of President Biden’s Department of Homeland Security) really messed up on this one, as cogently reported by theTimes’ Miriam Jordan: “Antiwar Activists Who Flee Russia Find Detention, Not Freedom, in the U.S." (
In the current fiscal year, 21,763 Russians were processed by US authorities at our southern border after they came here without permission and then sought asylum. In the previous fiscal year, it was 467 Russians.
Jordan’s must-read article focuses especially on two young physicians, Maria Shemiatina and Boris Shevchuk, who, while still in Russia, posted videos of the bloodshed in Ukraine from Putin’s War on social media, saying “We call on Russians to see the truth, to not believe the lies of the Russian media." Their posts were deleted by Putin’s minions and then their account was blocked. 
Shemiatina and Shevchuk fell in love when they were both in medical school in Russia, and they married. They fled to Mexico, made it to our southern border, expecting to be exclaiming “Free at Last,” only to be shackled, because they came here without permission, and they were separated and placed in ICE jails and were eventually reunited.
All this came to the attention of our Chief International Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, who speaks Russian and numerous other languages. When Colorado Governor Jared Polis is in the White House in 2029, expect to see Theis as Polis’ Secretary of State. Theis told us moments ago that the action of ICE in treating Russian protesters like criminals is, to put it mildly, extremely stupid when Biden is in a constant propaganda war against Putin.
So Theis, being a man of compassion and integrity, launched a campaign to straighten out ICE to get that overwhelmed agency to correct its ways and show compassion. As a direct result of his efforts, Shemiatina and Shevchuk have opened their medical practice in Theis’ former law office. There, they are thriving and are in the early stages of preparing their memoir.
Given that First Daughter Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, have actively foresworn any role in Daddykin’s 2024 presidential campaign, Trump will be hard pressed to resuscitate his campaign.






Musk Is Now In Exile in South Africa

As we recall the horrific assassination of President Kennedy on this day in 1963, we also mourn the five dead in Colorado Springs over the weekend at Club Q.
But today we celebrate that the world’s richest man has been personally deported by President Biden, according to associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman, a longtime Democratic operative.
“Elon has no idea how to run his newly bought toy, Twitter,” Coleman said. “So now that he has fired half his staff, and, worse yet, he has allowed Donald Trump back on his platform so he can continue to poison the airwaves, the best thing that Biden could have done, namely, send Musk back to his native country, South Africa, has been done, and AP is now celebrating that.” See’s+survival+is+at+stake+as+staff+quits&utm_term=CNN+%28Turner+U.S.%29_CNN&dicbo=v1-77c02ba016f266cf6cc26ed5d65ec674-0065c424386a38c12437ffb0771f4ea495-he4weolcmi2dgljugbrwmljumzstqljyhbtgmllbhfqwimbzhaydqmbvhe.
“There will be plenty for Elon to do once he reaches Soweto,” Coleman continued. “Just think how he could provide indefinitely for the well-being of the Black people of South Africa.”






Colorado Republican Congressman Congratulates Shooter Who Killed Five in a Gay Bar in Colorado Springs

Colorado now has eight Congressional Districts. The Dean of the Colorado Congressional delegation, Diana DeGette, is a friend of your solitary reporter. Rep. DeGette recently hosted a funder in her Denver home for Rep.-elect Brittany Pettersen and Rep.-elect Yadira Caraveo, a pediatrician. Caraveo is the first Member of Congress to be elected from Colorado’s newly created Eighth Congressional District. When she was in medical school she was active in the union representing overworked medical residents and fellows. Like Pettersen and DeGette, Dr Caraveo is a Democrat.


Another member of Congress from Colorado is Congressman Doug Lamborn, who is reputed to be the most conservative member of Congress. He represents El Paso County and he is not popular, but he intends to stay in Congress until he dies. 


As the whole world knows, a gunman killed five people yesterday at Club Q, a cherished gay bar in Colorado Springs on Academy Boulevard. The gunman has been charged with having committed a hate crime, and the LGBTQIA community in Colorado Springs is in deep mourning. Read all about it at,, and


Lamborn is opposed to any legislation proposed by Democrats, he’s that conservative.


The Democratic Party stands behind the rights of all LGBTQ people. The majority of Republican voters who are evangelical are, to put it mildly, not fervent supports of gay, lesbian, and trans people.


As our many subscribers know, we have numerous associate solitary reporters. Because of the tragedy at Club Q, we dispatched associate solitary reporter Megan Fairweather Arnold to Club Q to cover the fact that Lamborn had shown up outside Club Q.


“As a loyal Republican,” Lamborn began, as he thanked a police officer from the Colorado Springs Police Department, "I do NOT support gays, lesbians, and trans, and queer people in general, nor does my close personal friend Donald Trump. I do not condone queer people gathering in a bar, plus I have a three hundred percent favorable rating from the NRA, and so I think the gunman who killed those five people in there at Club Q, using a rifle, was perfectly in his rights and I hope he is acquitted of any and all charges which have been lodged against him.”


But Arnold, who has a PhD in Religion and Psychology from Denver’s Iffy School of Theology and the University of Denver, and who is a Spiritual Director and the President of the Episcopalian Women’s Federation of Colorado, challenged Lamborn because everything he just said is contrary to Christian teaching.


Then Lamborn walked away, cursing at Arnold, saying she is just an outside agitator.


Tomorrow’s Colorado Springs Gazette is expected to cover the confrontation between Congressman Lamborn and Arnold.