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Putin's Nukes Are on the Way to Lithuania

As Vladimir Putin’s illegal War in Ukraine loses steam, he’s become more and more isolated and irrational, and for that we must remember that he was a KBG station chief in East Germany, where he performed very successfully as a spy. 


Given the long history of Russian authoritarianism going as far back as Peter the Great, paranoia goes with his history.


He has consistently denied rumors that he advises Moscow resident Edward Snowden, who is on a top FBI list as an enemy of the United States.                                                     


He assumed that as soon as his soldiers crossed into his neighbor the Ukrainians would submit uncheerfully but that they would not resist.


He’s red all right, because he’s a Communist,  but he's very red-faced because his military is top heavy and is bogged down in his self-created fog of war.


Always livid because he misjudged everything about Ukraine, and never having had any military exerience, relying only on his terrified sycophants, Putin has finally resorted to his nukes. That’s why our topnotch associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonsky texted us five minutes ago with the breaking news that Putin has violated all international norms by launching nukes straight to Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania, because that former Soviet satellite, now independent, has, under Prime Minister Ingrida Simonyte, become a leader in the movement to stop buying any Russian coal or natural gas because the Lithuanians, brave people all, support Ukraine and are the descendants of the powerful leaders of the Duchy of Lithuania from the 13th century of the Common Era to the 15th century, and they conquered large groups of East Slavs in Ruthenia. Lithuania’s union with Poland made it the largest country in Europe in the 15th century until the Partitions of Poland in the 18th century.


At this very moment, one tenth of Putin’s nuclear weapons are on their way from Moscow to Vilnius to the private residence of Prime Minister Simonyte.






Why the Gops Will Lose Bigtime in November Because of Roe v. Wade

It is a truth universally acknowledged that becasue of Republicans being out of sync with the nation on women’s reproductive rights, 80% of the contested seats in Congress, especially in the Senate, will flip to Democrats.
Have a look at two Republican woman senators, Lisa Murkowski, a semi-independent senator from Alaska, and Susan Collins, from Maine, both very good at standing up for themselves and against Mitch McConnell when they want to, but…. Sen. Schumer brought the bill up today to codify Roe v .Wade, knowing it would fail but at least it put the gops on record.
Then of course there’s Joe Manchin from the Mountain State, a proto-Democrat whose state went bigtime for Donald Trump in 2020. West Virginia has lotsa coal so Joe won’t do hardly anything to deal with the very pernicious climate change plus Joe, who was a popular Governor there, thrives on his power and causes President Biden’s hair to get grayer every day.





Frustrated in Ukraine, Putin Tries to Invade Alaska, Stalls Bigtime in the Aleutians

AP fans can be assured that the attention of all our hundreds of associate solitary reporters is focused on whatever makes Vladimir Putin happy or unhappy. 


Which of course isn’t much, as he’s The Great Pretender.


Today is Victory Day in Russia, celebrating the victory of the USSR over Nazi Germany in 1945,  making it possible for the murderous Stalin to grab much of Europe into the Soviet orbit at the start of the Cold War, and we always knew that Stalin was very cold-hearted. 


Which means that today, Putin pretended to celebrate Russia’s seriously lagging war in Ukraine. Read all about it at


Naturally, we arranged for our Chief Russia Correspondent, Foma Kheroshonski, to have a heart-to heart with Putin.


“Comrade Kheroshonsky, you’re the first one to know about this, so here goes: an hour ago, I dispatched Russian military aircraft from Vladivostok toward Anchorage, to reclaim that American territory back to where it was under the czars.”


“But sorrry to say, and be careful how you explain this, but they didn’t make it to Anchorage. Several of my planes got themselves stranded in the Aleutians because of lack of routine maintenance, without any means of rescue.”


“Live and learn, but the idea was to launch a counter offensive because the imperialist Western powers supporting Ukraine have defeated my brave Russian soldiers, many of whom I had to move from Vladivostok oblast.”


Kheroshonsky tweeted all this to Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin, who smiled at the news as he prepared to order his aircraft to escort any Russian aircraft to Yukon Territory in Canada.






Venezuela's Maduro, Riding Rich Strike, Is Badly Injured, and Resigns in Favor of Guaido; McConnell at Kentucky Derby

Much of the economy of Louisville, Kentucky, depends on the annual running of the Kentucky Derby.


In addition to the opportunity for horse owners to strike it rich if their horse is first across the finish line, wealthy women, who are much smarter about how to dress than men, can show the world that they look their best in lavish dresses and hats.


This year, the racing world was shocked when a last-minute entry, Rich Strike, with 80-1 odds, was the winner.


The winning  jockey was Venezuelan Sonny Leon; and it was only associate solitary reporter Sylvania Juguete who noticed that Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell were riding Rich Strike, unsaddled.


From her home in Puerto Vallarta, Juguete travels throughout Latin America as a represenative of the Democratic National Committee.


Kentucky is a red state. In addition to McConnell, Kentucky’s junior senator, Rand Paul MD, a Tea Party fave, was present. Dr. Paul’s medical specialty is ophthalmology, but he is so reactionary and isolationist that we concluded years ago that he has no sensible political vision.


Both Maduro and McConnell are overweight, especially McConnell. McConnell is a consistent foe of President Biden, which is why, at the outset of President Obama’s presidency, McConnell earned the sobriquet of Senator No. McConnell is a steadfast champion of mining interests, and he does not believe in global warming.


As Rich Strike, with Leon, Maduro, and McConnell riding, reached the home stretch, Rich Strike, spurred on  by Leon, deliberatly fell, ejecting both Maduro and McConnell, but Leon, an expert jockey, stayed on his horse and finished first.


Maduro was so seriously injured that he resigned, leaving way for Juan Guaido, who was legitimately elected to replace Maduro, to take office, with the blessing of President Biden and Donald Trump when Trump was in the White House.






Macron Beats Out Far-Right Le Pen in France

The electorate in France can be fickle.


In the US, we’re still on our first repubilc, but for the French, they’re in their fifth, thanks to Charles De Gaulle (1890-1970), a tall, austere military man who, from London, inspired the French resistance to Hitler. He also managed to have a major international airport named after him.


In today’s presidential run-off election, the choice was between Emmanuel Macron, the founder of a coalition party called En Marche! (roughly translated as the Let’s Move Forward Party) and far-right candidate Marine Le Pen. Macron is viewed as arrogant and he is unpopullar, but had Le Pen (who lost to Macron in 2017) won, she would have turned the economy of the EU on a tailspin. She is notoriously anti-immigrant, and she would have absolutely no idea how to approach Russia’s bloodthirsty war in Ukraine, while Macron seeks to play a mediating role ( In short, Secretary of State Antony Blinken breathed a welcome sigh of relief as he awaits his critical meeting today in Kyiv with President Zelenskyy.


Blessed (we think) with a parliamentary system (had these here United States had one of them there political systems during LBJ’s Vietnam War, we could stopped that gruesome war a whole lot quicker — anyway, the Fifth French Republic, well, it is what it is, according to longtime Parisian political observer and newly minted associate solitary reporter Charlene Mysterieuse, a friend of your solitary reporter since they met on a boat from Brindisi to Corfu in 1962. She married Bruno a few years later, and her exquisite Par Monts et par coeur, a series of sketches of life in France, has sold close to ten million copies globally.


Another fact in France’s favor is that they vote on Sundays, something we here in the United States have yet to do.