Guess What, Rudy, Time's Up

Much to its credit, CNN yesterday covered Indictment Number Three nonstop with minimal if any ads.


Special Counsel Jack Smith, in his appropriately brief remarks, was spot on. We wonder when he takes time to laugh, as he takes his job very seriously. They must miss him at The Hague, where he used to work on war crimes in Kosovo.


Smith is an excellent tactician. He named some six co-conspirators but deliberately held off on indicting any of them. Tops on his list of fellow felons was Rudy Giuliani, who slavishly cheered on Donald Trump in his crazy-ass efforts to corrupt our fractured political process. Smith can indict Rudy and Eastman and the rest of them whenever he chooses. Best to bring United States v. Trump to trial post-haste. Rudy won’t cop a plea and neither will Eastman. Though always self-righteous, Pence looks like a man of virtue in this thing.


As always, we called upon our Chief Investigative Reporter, associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, to delve into all the ins and outs of Indictment Number Three. We sent her to the inner sanctum of Justice Amy Coney Barrett for an exclusive interview with Trump’s newest SCOTUS appointee.


“Justice,” Sherman began, “what are your thoughts on Trump’s culpability, and why the hell can’t he chill and just spend some quiet time with Melania? She’s notoriously private but her political sense has to be three hundred percent better than his.”


“Susanna,” Barrett replied, “Trump should just go on a mini-vacation in Slovenia with Melania. I hear the mountains there are even more beautiful than the Rocky Mountains.”


“I already have my law clerks working overtime on a draft opinion telling Trump that everything he does on this election denial crap is ultra vires, or totally without his authority. He’s the most insecure president we’ve ever had.”


But what about Rudy? Our expert support staff found the lyrics to “Rudy,” by Richard Davies and Roger Hodgson. In pertinent part, they say:


“[Rudy], “You’d better gain control now

You’d better show ‘em all now

You’d better make or break now…

You’ll have to push and shove now

You’ll have to find some love now

You’d better gain control now”