In An Abrupt About-Face, Orthodox Church Leaders in Ukraine and Russia Condemn Putin's War

Orthodox churches tend to favor the nations where their churches are located — the ecclesiastical term is autocephalic — and so Metropolitan Pavlo, the leader of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church who directs the Kyiv-Pechersk monastery, follows his Russian counterpart, Ст҃ѣ́йшїй патрїа́рхъ кѷрі́ллъ (Patriarch Kirill, Church Slavonic). 


When Kirill loudly proclaimed his support for Putin’s war, his counterpart in Istanbul was highly critical, saying that it is a sad day for the Orthodox Church (


Pavlo is being actively investigated by the Ukrainian Security Service ( Kirill is a close ally of Russia’s Thug-in-Chief, Vladimir Putin. 


So we dispatched associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonsky, who is based in Moscow, to confer with Pavlo and Kirill. Kheroshonsky, who pretends to be fluent in Russian, is a graduate of the Iliff School of Theology in Denver.


After an extended theological conversation, during which Russian vodka was not served, Kheroshonsky, Pavlo, and Kirill emerged and spoke to a packed press conference.


“I have now seen the light,” Pavlo began. “Mr. Putin and his friend Patriarch Kirill have agreed to focus their efforts on reforming Putin’s autocratic ways and stay away from Mother Ukraine.”


Kirill went straight to Putin and told him what’s what. Putin reluctantly acceded and announced that he will withdraw all his troops and firepower from Ukraine, especially the embattled eastern part of the country.