Biden, Trudeau Agree to Merger

Canada is a very large country. The majority of its inhabitants live within a hundred miles of the United States.


So with all this turmoil about Chinese surveillance balloons and unidentified objects in NORAD territory, it only made sense for President Biden and President Trudeau to make a quick quick agreement to merge their two nations, according to our Chief International Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis and Edmonton Mayor and associate solitary reporter Gary Zeman.


“This is clearly a win win for both me and Justin. It gives the US a clear path to the Arctic, which is rapidly melting, saving our merchant marine thousands of nautical miles between British Columbia and Japan, our longtime ally. We will simply merge the Royal Canadian Mountain Police with our military, and Lloyd Austin will be in charge of it.”


“Justin gets even better access to Mexico for his forest products.”


“Now all I have to do,” Biden continued, "is to sweet talk McConnell into helping me get it through the Senate and through Kevin McCarthy's House. That is one tall order, I can tell you.”


Biden of course watched the Superbowl today, and, with Jill’s permission, he watched Rihanna’s extravagant show, which raised millions of skeptical eyebrows all across the world.


“I couldn’t tell which was the more exciting," Biden told Theis, “Rihanna or the game.”