Just as Biden Is Set to Announce He's Running for Re-Election, the DNC Says Nope and Taps PBS' Judy Woodruff to Run for President

Last month, Judy Woodruff, the longtime host of the PBS NewsHour, announced that she will be leaving as host today, so we here at AP assembled our entire corps of associate solitary reporters, including ASR Shirley Kenwood, the unpaid Chair of the Denver Democratic Party, to watch the show. That included associate solitary reporter Eddie Cook, the Chair of the Denver Republican Party. Cook’s salary as a Republican ASR is $100,000 a year and he rarely even shows up here in our office. All our Democratic ASRs are volunteers.


There are many moving parts to any TV show, and the PBS NewsHour is no exception. So Amna Nawaz and Geoff Bennett, both people of color who seem headed to be cohosts succeeding Woodruff, for the time being, and an entire group of the backstage people whom we never see, were on stage and paid a special tribute to Woodruff, who is essentially the only adult in the news hosting business, taking account of Fox News and all that. 


Woodruff received a glowing tribute from everyone, especially standbys David Brooks of the Times and Jonathan Capehart of WaPo. Capehart, a Renaissance man if there ever was one, was in Italy in a Renaissance Era castle with a comfy looking fireplace.


As soon as DNC Chair Jamie Harrison, who does what President Biden wants done, and who is a man of color with a good heart, finished watching the NewsHour today, he consulted with all the Members of the Committee (which numbers in the hundreds) and they unanimously, including Harrison himself, decided on the spot that Biden, who is ready to announce that he’s running for re-election in 2024 despite his baggage and his age, has to go and should be thanked for his good heart and good deeds and his nice wife and be dumped as their nominee in 2024. 


Their unanimous choice: Judy Woodruff, who demurred, saying that she has loved being a journalist and keeping a poker face while doing it, to indicate her objectivity.


Though California Gov. Gavin Newsom has said he will not run against Biden, the action of the DNC today has inevitably thrust him to the front of the pack.


All this is why we here at AP founded this apocryphal newspaper many years ago when your solitary reporter was still a hearing officer in Colorado for workers’ compensation, in the 1980s, a dreadful job which did, however, pay his bills.


In the past your Apocryphall Press has said that it is completely

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In closing, in addition to wishing everybody good luck near year, we wish everybody on our subscription list who is interested in watching Kevin McCarthy squirm endlessly as he tries to satisfy his Conference, especially Marjorie Taylor Greene and Colorado’s own Lauren Boebert, to say nothing of Jim Jordan, who would love Donald Trump’s endorsement to run for president. McCarthy and his crowd are so hellbent on grilling Hunter Biden and investigating the January 6 Committee that they have no plan whatsoever to get things done for the American people. So next year, that should be a fun watch. Here at AP we try to make people laugh while pointing out the stupid stuff the GOP is so well known for doing.