Lookee Here Now, DeSantis Ain't the Only One Running Against Trump

November 16, 2022
As widely expected in TrumpWorld, he’s doing it again.
Donald Trump is morbidly obese, and he gets almost no exercise when he’s on one of his numerous golf resorts, and he is incapable of being nice to anybody, and many astute psychologists are already aware that he’s not even nice to himself.
Yesterday in a glitzy setting at his overpriced resort in South Florida — with associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones hiding under the stage lest she be assaulted by some three hundred eager Trumpies —  he got up and made a rambling speech in vintage Trump style.
But in faraway Louisville, Kentucky, his principal legislative antagonist, Mitch McConnell, made his own announcement, known only to our Chief Congressional Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, who was the only one in attendance, with the exception of Elaine Chao, McConnell’s wife, who is fluent in Southern as well as in Fujianese, principal the dialect spoken in Taiwan, where Chao is from.
“Melissa,” McConnell began, “I find it very irritating that you are the only reporter covering this splendid event.”
“I know that Donald Trump is holding a competing event, which is why I am having my own Event.”
“It’s true, Melissa, I’m running for president.”
“I have enough self-understanding to know that I am not handsome, but who cares anything about that? Just think how skillful I have been, with the help of my close personal friend Leonard Leo of the Federalist Society, in filling the ranks of our federal judiciary with ultra-conservative justices, especially on the Supreme Court.”
As your solitary reporter listened intently this morning to Steve Inskeep’s interview on NPR with Republican strategist Alice Stewart, he distinctly heard Stewart applaud everything McConnell said.
In Denver, Eddie Cook, the Chairman of the Denver Republican Party, was seen weeping as he watched Trump’s announcement. 
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