Bizarre News About Associate Solitary Reporter Ko Il-sun and His Meeting with Xi Jinping

President Biden, a virtuous man, is participating in his virtual Pro-Democracy initiative, meeting with100 heads of state, not including China’s Xi Jinping and Russia’s Vlad Putin ( 


The absent Xi claims that China is a version of democracy, which caused every single one of our far-flung corps of associate solitary reporters, even including Denver Republican Party Chair Eddie Cook, to gag.


Foremost among the gaggle of gaggers was our Chief East Asia Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun.


Ko is based in Seoul, but, like most of our ASRs, he has the ability to cross borders and enter the palaces of autocrats without being detected by anyone.


So, within the twinkling of an eye, Ko found his neck to be directly under the heel of China’s Dictator-for-Life, Xi Jinping. Three pounds of exquisite Chinese silk had been stuffed into his mouth.


“Ko,” Xi began, “you’ll be incredibly lucky if you ever get back to your tawdry apartment in Seoul.”


“I think you’d be much more comfortable in one of my friend Kim Jongun’s best prisons.”


Ko desperately wanted to interrogate Xi about the looming bankruptcy of Xi’s Evergrande realty company (, but he couldn’t even say he couldn’t breathe.


At the last second, our intrepid International Reporter, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, came upon the scene astride his white horse, toppled Xi, and extracted the exquisite silk from Ko’s mouth. Ko is now totally relaxed and is awaiting a flight on Korean Air back to Seoul, where he will continue writing his memoir as he stays in touch at all times with DNC Chair Jaime Harrison.