According to Newly Minted Associate Solitary Reporter John Hawthorne, Starbucks Workers Will Win Their Fight to Form a Union

Newly minted associate solitary reporter John Hawthorne is in Buffalo, where he is the Chief Strategist for Starbucks workers who are intent on forming a union against the megagiant coffeeetc. retailer.


Hawthorne was confirmed as the Chair of the National Labor Relations Board in January, but he soon tired of sitting behind a desk. That was after he had represented management for fifty years in Denver.


But Hawthorne, a dedicated Christian, had a change of heart. After hearing his pastor preach on Matthew 25, in which Jesus reaches out to the lowliest among us, he decided that he would go full throttle in support of the Starbucks workers, who have been vexed for many years over the company’s patronizing attitude toward the baristas who have been helping the company reap record profits for decades. See, “Starbucks Seeks to Delay Union Election as Vote Nears.”


“We on the side of the workers have this one in the bag,” Hawthorne explained to a solitary reporter.