Trump Expounds on the Foolishness of Indigenous Peoples Day

We here at AP are more aware than we would like to be about how truly rapacious and predatory Donald Trump is, and we are deeply saddened by his stranglehold on what used to be the Republican Party.
So today on Indigenous Peoples Day, it is incumbent on us to learn, from our most reliable source — associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones — about Trump’s feelings about IPD.
“Come on, Johanna,” he began, “you know exactly how I feel about people in Africa, who are worse than worthless, and how come nobody is allowed to use the word “colored” any more, so why bother me about some foolish holiday to honor Indians in our own country?"
“American Indians have always been in the way of Real Americans like me. They resisted our westward expansion. Biden’s even got a Laguna woman in there running his Interior Department, that’s ridiculous.”
“So I am calling on everyone who is devoted to me, especially Senator for Life Chuck Grassley in Iowa, who is now sucking up to me after denouncing me about January 6, to renounce this silly federal holiday. Bring back Columbus Day. If it weren’t for Christopher Columbus and how skillfully he took care of the native peoples he encountered, there would never have been a United States of America.”