In Which McConnell Nixes Trudeau's Idea of How to Expand the US

Le 21 Septembre, deux mille vingt-et-un


Canada’s young and bilingual Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, gets to keep his job after a contentious election.


It gets cold in Canada, but Canadians seem like much nicer people than America’s Trumpians, who, as explained concisely by Bob Woodward and Bob Costa in Peril, are, precisely, a very grave peril to the United States of America.


Canada has a parliamentary system, which we don’t have, because we are stuck with the Republicans (whom we here at AP do not countenance) and the Democrats. 


The main problem confronted on a daily basis by Joe Biden’s party is the Republican Party.


So we asked our Chief Canadian Correspondent, Edmonton Mayor Gary Zeman, for advice.


Zeman told us that the last time he spoke with M. Trudeau, his PM said that he wants to help Americans with their persistent Trump problem by offering each Canadian province the opportunity to join the United States.


Trudeau told Zeman that Quebec wants to be independent, but that British Columbia, Ontario, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, and Newfoundland and Labrador would all like to secede to the United States.


Based on what Zeman told us, we asked associate solitary reporter Sylvania Juguete whether President Biden is interested in augmenting the US.


Juguete promptly texted associate solitary reporter Eddie Cook, the Chairman of the Denver Republican Party, to ask him whether his idol, Senator No, aka Mitch McConnell, would agree.


And that was the end of that idea.