There's Only One Place Where You Can Find Out What Trump Did Today at the Capitol: Right Here

Several of Donald Trump’s handlers got together for a supposed rally today outside the Capitol, to support many of the Trumpians who assaulted the symbol of our democracy on January 6, but only a paltry few turned up. Turned out that there were many more reporters there from all over the world (including from Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s highly dictatorial Turkey) with massive security to protect the Capitol ( and


So as usual, we tapped associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones and made her travel with Trump to DC today so that she, and she alone, could tell AP fans of what Trump did today as he addressed the crowd of ralliers, all of whom participate in The Big Lie, which a majority of Republican voters apparently adheres to.


Also in attendance was the Denver-based Moderator of the Unitarian Universalist Association, associate solitary reporter Lewis Thompson III. Thompson attended President Biden’s visit to Denver the other day in his capacity as one of Biden’s advance men. While in Arvada, at the National Renewable Energy Laboratory, he reminded Americans, preoccupied as they are with Covid fatigue, poverty among way too many, too much water in the wake of Ida, etc., too many wildfires in the devastated forests in the West, that the time to take action to deal with climate change was thirty years ago, just as Al Gore told us, as Americans continue to buy big big vehicles that spew way too many pollutants into the atmosphere.


As soon as his acolytes saw their idol, they bowed down before him, so overawed by his presence that they did what the common people in Peking did on those very rare occasions when the Emperor appeared in public, such as when the Emperor went to the Temple of Heaven to pray for a good harvest. In fact, they were not allowed to see the Imperial Presence at all — they had to kowtow, which means “knock heads,” meaning they had to abase themselves by placing their foreheads on the pavement. We here at AP know that that is not the American way, but Jones told us what didn’t happen, that’s what we pay her for, and that’s when the very rational Thompson chimed in, saying, “SR, as soon as those dimwits saw they their idol, they were of course overjoyed as he said, “All my supporters on January 6 are peaceful patriots and they went here to the Capitol to correct the steal. None of them committed any violence. Anybody who says otherwise is just fake news.”


Then Trump took with him several of his hatchet men, such as former Xenophone-in-Chief Stephen Miller, and, with Trump and Trump Jr in the lead, they momentarily broke through the police lines brandishing their hatchets, but they were immediately arrested and are now languishing in the DC Jail with the numerous incarcerated (on a pretrial basis) January 6 defendants, but all three of them are in solitary confinement. Even RNC Chairlady Ronna Romney McDaniel wouldn’t put up bail.


Attorney General Merrick Garland and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell visited Trump at the Jail and handed Trump a grand jury indictment charging him with being a Horse's Ass and a Danger to the Nation. His trial has been set for November 5, 2024.