GENEVA — With every international reporter, including our Chief International Correspondent, Larry Theis, clamoring to get in, Vlad the Killer and Uncle Joe Biden met today in Geneva.
We owe it exclusively to Theis for his stirring report about the conversation between bald Vlad and smiley Joe.
“Joe,” Putin began, as he tore off his shirt to remind everybody how macho he is, “I’m bald, which doesn’t interfere in the least with my abilities to enjoy my fully-stocked harem, but I’ve always wanted to be able to go out in public with as much hair on the top of my head as Trump has.”
It took Biden only a few seconds to command associate solitary reporter LeeAnn Rutherford to teleport herself to Mar-a-Lago, where associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones punched Trump on the back of his neck, rendering him unconscious, as Jones grabbed several plugs of the thing on Trump’s head. And through the good offices of the USA’s General Services Administration, led very capably by associate solitary reporter Susanna Dunford, in the twinkling of an eye Theis tore off the few remaining strands of Putin’s hair and replaced them surgically with the plugs provided by Dunford.
After his solo press conference, Biden asked Geneva’s mayor, Frederic Perler, for a special tour to see the monument in honor of oddball heretic Michael Servetus, a Unitarian martyr, who, as Calvin’s flames crept higher and higher, loudly proclaimed his theologically correct view that Christ and the Holy Spirit are subordinate to to the Father. “I’m very strong on supporting religious freedom,” Biden said, “and even though Michael Servetus was a damn fool in thinking he could persuade John Calvin to abandon his traditional adherence to the Trinity, he failed to realze that those who live by the sword or by fire are never eligible for heaven.”