Netanyahu Agrees to Ship All of Gaza Directly to New York Harbor; Cuomo Responds

Amid widespread violence in Israel, largely caused by Hamas rockets being sent from Gaza into Ashkelon, in southern Israel, our Chief International Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, witnessed an extraordinary, totally unexpected event:


Israel’s Prime Minister, Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu, who is on trial for official corruption, announced that he had just spoken with President Biden, asking Biden to agree that all of Gaza be physically severed and shipped en masse to the Port of New York, where another embattled politician, Andrew Cuomo, would be tasked with figuring out exactly where in the Empire State to put Gaza.


“In the Finger Lakes region of New York?” asked our always sarcastic associate solitary reporter, Keith Coleman.


“Keith,” Cuomo said, “given the street-smart implications of the word ‘finger,’ that’s a pretty good place for all of Gaza to be put.”


“Gaza has a population of one million eighty-five thousand Palestinians,” Cuomo said, “so, once they are all resettled in the Finger Lakes of my state, it will all work out if they will all support me against those misguided fools in New York who think I should resign."