In Which We Introduce Associate Solitary Reporter Barbara Banner, As She Tells Bolsonaro What to Do with His Amazon

It is difficult for us here at AP to discern whether Brazil’s Jair Bolsonaro is more evil than Donald Trump.


Jair loves nothing better than encouraging ranchers in the Amazon to destroy his extremely fragile rain forest.


During Trump’s tumultous time at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Jair and Donald became fast friends.


Unfortunately, Jair is still in office.


President Biden is thinking about reaching out to Jair to talk about climate change (


So we sent associate solitary reporter Barbara Banner to meet with Jair where he lives in splendor, the Palacio de Alvorada, in Brasilia.


Banner was born in Germany, but at the tender age of two, she moved to Brazil with her parents and settled in Porto Alegre.


Later, she became a gregarious and charming flight atendant with Brazil’s national airline, Varig.


As she accosted Bolsonaro, he frowned at her sceptically, because a solitary reporter had tipped him off that Banner, by now an American citizen, was solely responsible, as the doyenne of the Denver Democratic Party, for all the numerous successes of Denver Democrats in the late 1960s and early 1970s.


“Barbara,” he began, “you’re a Democrat, so what do you want with me?"


“That’s easy, Jair. Tell your fascist Army to go to your Amazon and arrest all the ranchers who are destroying your Amazon.”


Banner was promptly escorted out of Bolsonaro’s presence and thrown in Brazil's most notorious prison.