Not Another Trump!

We here at AP have been having considerable difficulty in figuring out why Donald Trump’s daughter-in-law, Lara Trump, would want to marry Eric Trump, but she did.


‘Cause when we see a photo of Eric, it is immediately clear to us that he is either a mafioso himself, or related to one, ‘cause he doesn’t know how to wear his hair. When he smiles, he looks even worse than before.


Lara is bound and determined to become a United States Senator from North Carolina, to succeed Senator Richard Burr, who defied TrumpWorld by voting to acquit Donald not so very long ago).


Lara Trump is blond and, like all the Trumps, has no qualifications to run for any public office except her last name, the latter being entirely and completely notorious except for Donald Trump’s base, which thrives on misinformation and Trumplies.


She’s 38 and is perhaps best known for being a political associate of failed Florida congressional candidate Laura Loomer, a Republican who is a far-right conspiracy theorist.


Lara promises us that her father-in-law will be a presidential candidate in 2024 and beyond (


So we asked associate solitary reporter Eddie Cook, the pastor of a vineyard mega-church in Denver and the renowned Chairman of the Denver Republican Party, to give us a read on Lara Trump’s chances of getting herself catapulted into the United States Senate.


“That’s easy, SR,” Cook began, “Lara will be a shoo-in in the Tarheel State, which my idol, Donald Trump, won handily in 2020.”