Why All One Hundred United States Senators Did What They Did, A Short Time Ago

As AP fans are well aware, there are numerous associate solitary reporters — rapidly approaching a multitude — who help us put this improbable thing together for entertainment, as well as for the exposition of our political views.


Which is why we are compelled to let you know that our Chief Congressional Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, and associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman, were seated in the well of the Senate Chamber as the first day of many days of Trump’s Second Impeachment Trial began.


One of the ungentlemanly gents who addressed the Honorable Senators was a lawyer for Donald Trump named David Schoen.


Though Donald Trump’s paternal grandfather, Frederick Trump, a man with an interesting life history, came from Germany, the only German word that Trump knows is dummkopf, which means fool, or stupid person.


Because throughout the time from January 20, 2017, to noon on January 20, 2021, most of what Trump did was to malign every single person — including his own intelligence agencies, and, as well, he trashed people in his own political party (a party that he hijacked in 2016).


This is what ASRs Smith and Coleman told us immediately after Senate President pro tempore Patrick Leahy (D-Vt) adjourned The Second Trial of the Century until tomorrow, at noon, or whenever anybody wanted to watch the thing unfold.


“First, SR,” Coleman began, “lawyer Schoen doesn’t know any German either, because in German, schoen means beautiful, as in "Bei Mir Bist Du Schoen” (or Shein, or something)."


“But David Schoen is not pretty, and the argument he made today was worse than Trump’s other lawyer, you know, Bruce Castor the Castaway, the dumb ____ that Trump got mad at as he watching The Trial all by his lonesome, ‘cause Melania, she doesn’t ever want to be seen with him in public, ever again” (https://www.cnn.com/2021/02/09/politics/trump-impeachment-bruce-castor/index.html).


Then ASR Smith chimed in, “and that’s why — known only to the three of us, plus DNC Chair Jaime Harrison — all one hundred Senators, including Mitch McConnell — adjourned to the Senate Cloak Room, where Colorado’s Junior Senator, John Hickenlooper, actually kissed McConnell on his triple chin — as All the Senators announced, “Of course the damn fool’s guilty.”