Trump, Deprived of Twitter, Collapses and Almost Dies

Donald Trump cannot live without Twitter.


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones never leaves his side.


Which is why, moments ago, she, a devout Presbyterian, acting strictly out of Christian charity, was appalled as he fell over in a paroxysm of rage, foaming at the mouth.


The Secret Service rushed in, realizing immediately that he had collapsed, and was near death, because Twitter Co-Founder Jack Dorsey had personally told his employees to take him off Twitter forever and ever.


But the Secret Service guys and gals are all trained in CPR, and they are EMTs, so they broke into Dorsey’s home and handcuffed him until he brought Trump back to life.


But the Secret Service has permanently suspended him from the Parler platform, because Parler was designed for the seditionists who broke into the Capitol on Wednesday.