Trump's Most Recent Impeachable Offense

Donald Trump has more pathologies than any man who has ever been privileged to live in the White House.

 

As we reported on Saturday, he's One Sore Loser (https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2021/01/02/in-which-we-show-that-ted-cruz-is-in-love-with-trumpism-plus-what-to-expect-tomorrow/).

 

For Donald, being a loser is worse than death.

 

He lost a reliably red state, Georgia, to Joe Biden, in part because Stacey Abrams has been doing a fantastic job registering voters who usually don’t vote.

 

Donald Trump pretends to be a Christian, but he has never read the Bible, and a Christian he surely ain’t.

 

That was clearly adjudicated by Pope Francis when the Pope commented that any American leader who treats children at our southern border the way Trump has, is not a Christian (https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/19/world/americas/pope-francis-donald-trump-christian.html).

 

This past weekend, he called up Georgia’s Secretary of State, Republican Brad Raffensberger, against whom he’s sure to launch a primary challenge when Raffensberger runs for re-election next year.

 

In the one-hour phone call, which Raffensberger sensibly recorded, Trump demanded that Raffensberger “find” more votes, for him, in the Peachtree State.

 

Trump’s also likely to primary Gov. Brian Kemp, also a Republican, because Trump can’t understand why Joe Biden whupped his butt in November in Georgia and why governor Kemp did nothing to prevent that from happening.

 

And Trump’s been ranting and venting against Kemp for not assuring him “victory” in November. 

 

It’s an open secret in the Peachtree State that Stacey Abrams — who almost defeated Kemp in 2018, when Republican Kemp, then Georgia’s Chief Elections Officer, was Secretary of State — will challenge Kemp next year in the gubernatorial race.

 

Donald Trump is by far the most vain man ever to sit at the Resolute Desk.

 

So we asked our Chief Theological Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Jim Bob Hobarto, a renowned Biblical scholar and retired Professor of Hebrew Bible Exegesis at Harvard Divinity School, to weigh in on Trump’s vanity.

 

Hobarto was born in 400 BCE (Before the Common Era), and he’s the dude who wrote Ecclesiastes, part of the Wisdom Literature in the Hebrew Bible.

 

But Hobarto, a Native Son of Enterprise, Alabama, where the Boll Weevil Statue reigns supreme, is still living.

 

So we got him to recite, in Hebrew of course, Ecclesiastes 1:2:-3:

 

“Vanity of vanities! All is vanity/What do people gain from all the toil at which they toil under the sun?” (RSV)

 

By openly threatening Raffensberger — a lifetime Republican — Trump committed — we’re not sure how many felonies.

 

So we consulted associate solitary reporter Paul Winstrom, our Chief Legal Correspondent, to find out.

 

“SR,” Winstrom said, “if I were the Attorney General of the

United States — which, maybe, I might be in the

Biden Administration — I would throw the book at Trump.”

 

“At which point Trump would order me to the District of Columbia Jail, sua sponte [immediately, on his own motion].”