Full Report on Trump's Post-Loss Mental State; Has Chao Halted All Flights Between the UK and Covidia?

In this apocryphal newspaper, we always start with an actual fact and then spin it out into a joke, usually by introducing one of our rapidly growing staff of associate solitary reporters (ASRs).


Through our ASRs, we have been saying for years that Donald Trump has all the characteristics of having a narcissistic personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder, plus paranoia.


And we’ve also “reported” at various times that because of his pathologies, he’s been admitted to various psych wards.


This became even more evident to us here at AP when associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman told us about the article Michael Kruse wrote for Politico today, “Is Trump Cracking Under the Weight of Losing: Getting the boot from the White House is an undeniable ego blow for a man who has never admitted defeat,” https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2020/12/20/trump-white-house-losing-448903.


Trump, at the urging of Michael Flynn, whom he pardoned recently, has been considering imposing martial law, based on his baseless claim (all to please his base) that the election was stolen from him, when, in fact, it wasn’t.


And until recently he was thinking that loudmouth lawyer Sidney Powell, who yells conspiracy theories into her legal briefs, should take over the continuing flow of highly inappropriate lawsuits seeking to overturn the result of the election that he can’t admit he lost, and by a wide margin, https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/20/politics/donald-trump-martial-law-election-2020/index.html and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sidney_Powell.


Next, we asked our Chief International Correspondent, Larry Theis, whether Trump’s Secretary of Transportation, Elaine Chao (wife of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell) has issued an order prohibiting flights from the UK to the United States, after Boris Johnson announced that an even more deadly variant of Covid-19 has been making its way through parts of England; the Netherlands and France have prohibited flights from the UK to land at their airports.


When Theis asked Chao whether she cares more about pleasing Trump by allowing more and more airplane flights from the UK to America, Chao, with an icy expression on her face, cut him off at the knees (metaphorically that is).


“Theis, I work for Mr. Trump, the most honest and the most successful businessman whom America has ever known. Mr. Trump is the most patriotic American who managed to evade military service whom America has ever known.”


“Now get the hell out of here and tell your friend the solitary reporter and his boss, DNC Chair Tom Perez, to close up shop right away."