Trump to Strike Out With Catholics

Four years ago, too many Catholic voters chose Donald Trump over a Methodist woman of faith.


Trump’s campaign is counting on a large Catholic turnout, but astute political observers tell us that this time, it’ll be a heavy lift for Trump:


This year it’s different because Joe Biden’s a practicing Roman Catholic, and though Trump claims to be a Christian, he simply isn’t, as our Chief Theological Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Jim Bob Hobarto, points out in his most recent tract.


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones just texted us to tell us that moments ago, Trump begged his former Chief Liar, Kellyanne Conway, to haul him out of the abyss which he created for himself.


“So Kellyanne,” Jones began, “did you have any luck?”