Your solitary reporter is the founder of Apocryphal Press, which, since the early 1990s, has functioned as an informal, totally unsanctioned organ of the Democratic Party.
Our methods of satirical reporting are fairly simple: we take an Actual Fact, usually referring to it with a link, and then, we spin it out with the help
of our rapidly growing corps of associate solitary reporters.
We here at AP were both surprised and not surprised at the length to which Republicans in California tried to go, in order to steal the election for Donald Trump.
Which is why, as soon as we opened today’s New York Times, the following article by Glenn Thrush and Jennifer Medina immediately
commanded our utmost attention: "California Republican Party Admits It Placed Misleading Ballot Boxes Around State”
As Thrush and Medina document, California Republicans “placed the dark gray metal boxes...near churches, gun shops, and Republican Party offices….affixed with a white paper label
identifying them as either an “Official Ballot Drop-off Box” or a “Ballot Drop Box.”
“To the average voter, they are virtually indistinguishable from drop-off sites sanctioned by the state, which are governed by strict regulations intended to prevent the partisan
manipulation of ballots.”
As reported to us by associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones — who never leaves Trump’s side — when Chief of Staff Mark Meadows told Trump that Hector Barajas, a spokesman for the
California Republican Party, said that the California GOP had openly admitted to the illegal practice, Trump exploded in anger, telling Meadows “Those damn fools! When you do something
illegal like that, you never, ever admit that you did anything wrong. That’s always the way I’ve done business!”
Trump then reminded Meadows that in 1964, Republican presidential candidate Barry Goldwater, accepting his Party’s nomination, famously said “extremism in the defense of liberty is no
vice.”
Trump continued his rant, saying that the United States will totally collapse if he loses the election on November 3, and that, accordingly, Republicans must win the election “by any
means necessary,” even in a deep blue state like California.