Trump Reaches Out to Belarus' Embattled Dictator

Donald Trump is, at bottom, gripped by fear.


Fear that he’ll get only 30% of the popular vote in November — or less.


And that the only way he can stay in power is to — well — most of us don’t want to think about that, ‘cause it’s just too scary.


But we here at AP have been following developments in Belarus with great interest. Its president, Alexandr Lukashenko, is known as Europe’s Last Dictator. He’s been in power for 26 years. The EU and even Trump’s Secretary of State, Big Mike Pompeo, are concerned about obvious electoral irregularities taking place in Minsk. Massive protests have erupted there, and Lukashenko’s thugs are beating up protestors. And it seems as though Lukashenko will be escaping into Vladimir Putin’s arms any moment now.


As usual, we rely on associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones to keep us up to date on all things Trump. She never leaves his side, even though their relationship is anything but cordial. The DNC assigned her the challenging role of mole back in June 2015.


Jones just told us that Trump has reached out to Lukashenko, inviting him to the White House for a photo-op so Trump can learn how to improve his capabilities of handling protestors whenever he escapes to the White House bunker.


Jones is in constant contact with our ever-widening circle of associate solitary reporters, including Moscow-based associate solitary reporter Foma Kheroshonky.


Kheroshonky warned Jones that if Lukashenko does show up for a White House meeting, Putin will immediately break off relations, though Putin will, of course, continue his obvious efforts to persuade American voters that democracy is a thing of the past.


Associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman is camped out at the Pentagon, awaiting further developments.