Trinitarian Trio in Ankara to Tell Erdogan What to Do About Hagia Sophia

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Donald Trump is no friend of democracy.


Or Culture.


Not only that, he is not in the least a classy guy, but he does approve of his class of oligarchs being in charge as long as he’s in charge of everybody.


Trump has never heard of T.S. Eliot (1888-1965), born in St. Louis and winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1948. 


In his Notes Towards the Definition of Culture (1948-49), Eliot argues that a truly civilized society needs a class system as part of its basis.


But Trump doesn’t know the first thing about Culture.


Trump has no class at all, just ask associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who is with Trump 24/7. She reports directly to us here at AP and to DNC Chair Tom Perez.


Just have a look at Trump's frequently expressed envy of how China’s Xi Jinping is the Middle Kingdom’s President for Life and how he’s destroying Hong Kong; how North Korea’s Kim Jongun has a grip on power (as long as he has his nukes) even stronger than Xi; how Russia’s Vladimir Putin has a lock on power until 2036 and beyond.


Which is why Trump is so consumed by his own self-pity and his upcoming defeat by Joe Biden in November.


Enter Turkey’s Dictator-in-Chief, Recep Tayyip Erdogan.


Kamal Ataturk (1881-1938), a Turkish field marshal and revolutionary statesman, was the founder of what used to be called Modern Turkey. Ataturk’s goal was that Turkey, long ruled by the failed Ottomans, would be a secular society.


Today not so much. In fact, not at all.


Which is why we sent our Chief Theological Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Jim Bob Hobarto, and our top Middle East associate solitary reporter, Mustafa Ahmed, to Ankara to tell Erdogan exactly what we think of him and why he’s a menace to the Free World (what’s left of it). With them was Papal Nuncio and associate solitary reporter Thurston Kenwood, a longtime Denver civil rights lawyer and very prominent Catholic layman.


In Trinitarian unison, Hobarto, Ahmed, and Kenwood told Erdogan, “If you persist in changing the status of Hagia Sophia, Donald Trump will send his Secretary of Defense, Mark Esper, and Big Mike Pompeo to your doorstep to give you one last chance to shape up: quit messing with Hagia Sophia; don’t forget that Hagia Sophia means Holy Wisdom, of which you have none.”


Erdogan’s response was quick and to the point: “If Trump won’t send my nemesis, Fethullah Gulen, to MY doorstep right away, then Trump can kiss goodbye to any chance of me helping him keep Netanyahu in charge in Jerusalem; I’ll just send my American-made tanks straight from Ankara to Bibi’s doorstep."


Hobarto, always On Top Theologically even though he’s a Unitarian Universalist minister, said, “Recep, you’re done. Mustafa, Kenton and I are taking you straight to an undisclosed location in Romania, a place where there are no Muslims at all."