Thunberg Tells Trump to Quit Flying Anywhere

Sixteen-year old Swedish climate change activist Greta Thunberg speaks English far better than Donald Trump.


She knows ever so much more than he does about global warming, which he denies as a hoax.


Our Chief International Correspondent, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, visited Thunberg this morning at her home in Stockholm.


Thunberg doesn’t travel on anybody’s aircraft.


Following her example, Theis walked from his home in Denver to New York, where he boarded a sailboat disguised as a freighter which took him directly to Stockholm.


Thunberg was delighted to see him, because she knows that he is one of Denver’s leading Democrats, and that he knows how to convince his fellow Coloradans to do something about climate change.


“Larry,” she said, after he complimented her on being named Time’s Person of the Year, “if you have any Republican friends, you better tell them that, first, Donald Trump doesn’t have the faintest idea how to deal with a pandemic, which we have now, with COVID-19 — which, by the way, he probably thinks is a medication which could help him with his classic narcissistic personality disorder and his paranoia.”


When Theis told her that he has many Republican friends, none of whom voted for Trump in 2016, Thunberg perked up.


“That’s good, Larry. Could you please tell your many Republican friends that Trump should immediately ban all travel by air, in the United States and, then, around the world? Because the fuel used to power airplanes has a lot to do with the impending apocalypse, because the Earth will be totally on fire by 2120 — and, not only that, it’s really easy to catch COVID-19 by being a passenger on an airplane."


Theis told her that he’ll call Colorado Congressman Ken Buck, a Republican who chairs the Colorado Republican Party, and offer to buy him a drink.


“Greta, I’ll invite Ken to my favorite bar in Denver, and, after I have likkered him up pretty good, I’ll ask Ken to tell Trump to announce that he won’t get on Air Force One until this COVID-19 epidemic has passed.”


“And,” Theis continued, “once Trump has himself been vaccinated for coronavirus, that he should immediately ask Congress to outlaw air travel.”


Thunberg smiled and handed Theis an inscribed copy of her book, How to Save the World If You’re Smart and If You Can Speak Swedish, which was published yesterday by our in-house publishing center, Apocryphal Publications Inc.