Xi Says His Wuhan Coronavirus Is Payback for Trump's Trade War

Donald Trump, reversing traditional Republican ideas of free trade, started a trade war against China because he could.


Just as President Bill Clinton had an affair with Monica Lewinsky because he could.


And Trump’s trade war is still going on, and now we all have to worry about the Wuhan coronavirus, which has greatly affected the on again, off again negotiations to end the war that Trump started (he’s very belligerent, as we all know).


So our Seoul-based associate solitary reporter, Ko Il-sun, met with Xi Jingpin, China’s tyrant (in the tradition of the Chinese imperial dynasties) earlier today for a wide-ranging conversation.


The usual unplacidly reserved Xi opened up to his fellow Asian.


“Mr. Ko, you see, after Trump went after me for enjoying the fruits of American technology, he really put the screws on my economy.”


“I certainly know that the conspiracy theorists in America are, no doubt, already saying that I conspired to concoct the Wuhan coronavirus to get back at Trump.”


"So, be that as it may, I can’t help saying that at some level in my pure, Communist soul, the fact that our coronavirus is spreading to the US is a form of payback.”


Wearing a facemask, as Xi was, Ko promptly went back to Seoul, where he saw thousands of facemasks in the city of 9,733,509 souls.


Japan’s Prime Minister, Abe Shinzo, invited ASR Ko to visit The Diamond Princess, a gigantic cruise ship with 3,700 passengers quarantined in Yokohama because of the coronavirus, but Ko politiely declined, saying he’d prefer to keep a close eye on how many of Xi Jingpin's Uighur prisoners have contracted the potentially fatal virus.