Trump's Close Personal Friend, Kim Jongun, Launches His Most Powerful Nuke at Seoul, After "Parasite" Wins Three Oscars


Donald Trump’s close personal friend Kim Jongun is very angry, and he would be nowhere without his nukes.


That’s because South Korea’s brilliant film director, 봉준호 (Bong Joon-ho) received not one, not two, but THREE Oscars this evening, for the dark comedy thriller, 기생충 (Parasite). 


Parasite won an Oscar for Best International Feature Film.


AND Best Director.


AND Best Picture.


It is a truth universally acknowledged that North Korea is the most brutal, repressive regime anywhere on earth — where the features of ordinary people are — well — featureless, because they all live in perpetual fear.


Our Seoul-based associate solitary reporter, Ko Il-sun, somehow managed (though we have no idea how — maybe with lotsa help from South Korea’s National Intelligence Service) to infiltrate himself into the Ryongsong Residence in Pyongyang, where Kim Jongun lives with his wife, Ri Sol-ju, and his many bodyguards.


So ASR Ko confronted Kim to ask him how he feels about how a fellow Korean, living in freedom, could achieve such international stardom (and show up in Los Angeles with a great deal of hair, a hair style never allowed in North Korea).


As Ko watched with increasing trepidation, Kim pushed a button and launched his most powerful nuke, his KN-23, which has a range of 700 kilometers, at Seoul, which is only thirty miles south of Kim’s DMZ.


When Trump’s most recent National Security Advisor, Robert O’Brien, told Trump that Kim had ordered the incineration of Seoul, a city of 9,733,509 souls (including many Americans), Trump said, “I have no problem with that, ‘cause South Korea doesn’t pay enough for all the protection we’ve been giving them all these years.”