AOC To Enter Presidential Race

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (“AOC") (D-NY) is 30 years old.


Joe Biden is 76.


AOC is really good at attracting media attention.


Yesterday, she made waves, once again, for saying “In any other country, Joe Biden and I would not be in the same party” (


AOC is one of the primary authors of the “Green New Deal,” an ambitious, idealistic plan to save our planet.


Uncle Joe is running in the moderate lane, but AOC is one of Bernie Sanders’ most prominent endorsers.


Bernie is 78.


Eager as always to scoop a rapidly emerging political story, our Chief Investigative Reporter, Susanna Sherman, knocked on AOC’s office in the Cannon House Office  Building.


“I don’t have an appointment with the Congresswoman,” ASR Sherman said, “but I’ve been sent here by Tom Perez and by a solitary reporter.”


“The Congresswoman is very busy, but because of who sent you here, I’ll be happy to interrupt her.”


Moments later, Sherman was walking briskly down a hallway with AOC toward the subway which takes Members to the floor of the House, where Speaker Nancy Pelosi had just gavelled the House into session to consider what to do about Donald Trump’s hyper-aggressive moves against Iran. Trump has been criticized by his close personal friend on Fox News, Tucker Carlson, for getting us ever so close to yet another war in the Middle East.


“Congresswoman,” Sherman, 75, began, though she was already out of breath while trying to keep up with AOC, “the solitary reporter just texted me, saying he is convinced that you’re planning to enter the presidential race, with Biden and Bloomberg as your main targets.”


“That’s true, Susanna, and, because you are one of the most important staffers for your apocryphal newspaper — which is read all around the world — I want you to be with me as I make the announcement.”