Biden Forced to Name Pence As His Running Mate; Drones on Colorado's Eastern Plains Have Been Checking Up on Gardner

Today, while in the Granite State, Joe Biden astonished all of New Hampshire’s highly dedicated, partisan Democratic voters by telling them that he’d consider naming a Republican as his running mate.


But when associate solitary reporter Priscilla Jameson, without missing a beat, demanded to know whom that would be, he said, within only three nanoseconds, “But I can’t think of one at the moment” (ps://


Biden rambled on and on for more than five minutes, saying the job of being president requires someone who has the president’s back, and that Republicans, these days, if any of them want to be his vice president, will “simply have to step up."


But ASR Jameson persisted.


That’s when Biden, feeling trapped and unable to flee, blurted out, “Aw shucks, Priscilla, it will have to be former Indiana conservative talk show host Mike Pence.”


“He’s been on the job as Donald Trump’s lackey for more than three years, and since I had that job for eight years, well, anyway, as long as it’s Pence, at least it won’t be McConnell.”


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones promptly told Pence about Biden’s most recent gaffe.


Pence rarely laughs, but this time he did.


“Johanna,” he said, “I’d consider going with Joe until he loses in Iowa, which is certain, but only if he will agree to abandon his long-held Catholic faith in favor of The One True and Only Evangelical Faith.”


Denver GOP Chair Eddie Cook was enormously pleased about Biden’s statement. Cook is Colorado’s Evangelical Pastor-in-Chief.


In other news, residents of Colorado’s Eastern Plains have been greatly concerned, and sometimes frightened, by the mysterious apperance of drones which have been flying over their homes and ranches, but nobody knows who’s behind all that (


Colorado’s junior senator, Republican Cory Gardner, who is part of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s leadership team, has asked Trump’s Transportation Secretary, Elaine Chao (McConnell’s wife) to find out, immediately, what’s going on in Droneland. Gardner is from Yuma, Colorado, one of the many towns on the Centennial State’s Eastern Plains being threatened by the unknown drones.


Gardner is the most vulnerable GOP senator running for re-election.


Enter associate solitary reporter Lewis Thompson, the Moderator of the Unitarian Universalist Association.


Thompson, who is very astute as well as agile in all things which seem strange but really aren’t, just told us that the drones were sent by his boss, DNC Chair Tom Perez.


“Tom told me he just wants to see if Cory is paying attention to his rural roots,” Cook just told us.


“But he clearly isn’t, because all he really cares about is getting re-elected so he can stay in Trump’s Swamp for six more years."