The Personable Person of the Year, in 2019

Friday the Thirteenth, 2019


He’s done it again.


He never stops.


He was Time’s Person of the Year in 2016, and, at the time, he said it was a “tremendous honor."


This year, Time’s Person of the Year is 16-year old Greta Thunberg, who, though thoroughly Swedish, and, no doubt, deeply influenced by the dark films of Ingmar Berman, speaks English far, far better than Donald Trump.


She gave an impassioned speech in Madrid at a climate change conference on Wednesday (though we’re not sure how she got

there — she probably didn’t walk all the way from Stockholm).


Then Trump mocked her, thinking he was being funny.


Only he wasn’t.


He told Greta to go chill (irony there, as the planet is heating up because of people like him) and go to a movie, but he forgot to tell her to go to see both of Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth movies — only she’s already seen them, but he definitely has not (


So we had to, once again, call upon the good offices of our chief international correspondent, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, to tell us who — Thunberg or Trump — is the better person.


But ASR Theis chastised us for asking such a simple, basic question.


Theis said that he wants the producers of the TV series, The Crown, to crown Greta as a Climate Activist Saint, and to arrange for Greta to talk some sense into Boris Johnson


Though Thunberg demurred, she did thank Theis for his highly idiosyncratic idea.


As for Trump, as usual, his comments cannot be included in this

family-friendly apocryphal newspaper, even though his adoring 17 buddies on the House Judiciary Committee lambasted the 23 Democrats on the Judiciary Committee.