Colorado's Junior Senator Found in Kentucky Sitting on Mitch McConnell's Lap

There’s a big snowstorm blanketing much of the Centennial State today, so we wanted to know whether Cory Gardner, a Colorado Republican seeking re-election in 2020, was anywhere in his home state.


Our Denver-based associate solitary reporter, Lewis Thompson, had to travel all the way to Kentucky to find him.


That’s because Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell controls the Senate, where he continues to obstruct virtually all good legislation proposed by the Party of the People. McConnell’s worth about twenty-two million dollars.


Thompson found him sitting on McConnell’s lap in Louisville.


So Thompson politely asked Gardner why he’s not shovelling snow anywhere in Colorado.


He received a concise reply: “Because Mitch likes me to be wherever he can easily put his thumb on me.”


Then Gardner snapped at ASR Thompson by saying that the fact that it’s snowing in Colorado is proof that the planet is not heating up, despite constant scientific evidence to the contrary.


There are several Democrats running in the Democratic primary against Gardner, including several women, but the one whom your solitary reporter has endorsed is Andrew Romanoff, a veteran Colorado legislator who has served very capably as Speaker of the House of Representatives.


Andrew Romanoff takes no contributions from Political Action Committees, unlike former Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper.


Thompson teleported himself back to Denver, where he cheerfully shoveled snow for his many neighbors, all of whom are Democrats.