Yet Another Totally Boring Day in TrumpWorld

After associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones told Donald Trump, earlier today, that his very close personal friend and essential political ally, Roger J. Stone Jr., was convicted right there in the United States District Court for the District of Columbia (a Court only a mile from the White House, and a Court that Trump thinks he should be in charge of), Trump immediately tweeted that he’s pardoned Stone, and that he has instructed his close political friend Mitch McConnell (who will be defeated in November 2020 by Democrat Amy McGrath, a former Marine fighter pilot, the first woman Marine Corps pilot to fly the F/A-18 on a combat mission) to confirm Stone as his next Ambassador to Ukraine, replacing Acting Ambassador William Taylor, who testified on Wednesday that he’s never met Trump (and wouldn’t want to).


In 2015 and 2016 Trump said he would repair our flagging infrastructure if dissatisfied voters in Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Ohio would give him a free ticket to the Oval Office (as long as his close personal friends such as Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland would foot the bill for an inauguration ceremony that Trump would falsely claim to have been the best attended inauguration ceremony ever in the history of the world -- as well as the Universe) so our taxpayers would be obliged to foot the bill for his extremely numerous free trips for him and the entirety of his family, including Son-in-Law-in-Chief Jared Kushner and (occasionally) trophy wife Number Three, to his new residence (in Mar-a-Lago, Florida, soon to be inundated by the Atlantic Ocean).


But no infrastructure improvenents have been made, because Trump has spent whatever sparse amount of time he’s spent in his Oval Office (when he was not at Mar-a-Lago or Bedminster) fulfilling former Indiana conservative radio talk show host Mike Pence’s mission (and Mitch McConnell’s  mission, even more so) forever to change the composition of the Supreme Court, so that women’s reproductive health rights will cease to exist.


Trump also managed to get Congress to pass a tax reduction bill to benefit his wealthy cronies and his own very wealthy family.


As he was getting that tax reduction bill passed, he made sure that neither Democratic presidential candidate Tom Steyer nor soon-to-be Democratic presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg would receive any benefit from the Tax Reduction bill that Trump insisted that Congress should pass. Trump also didn’t want Democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang to get any benefit from the tax reduction bill, either, and the same holds true for former Democratic presidential candidate and former Centennial State Governor John Hickenlooper).


Trump had nothing better to do this morning than attack Marie (“Masha”) Yovanovich, whom he recalled as his Ambassador to Ukraine at the behest of Rudy Giuliani (who’s representing Trump “pro bono publico," only there ain’t no bono publico involved in any of that) and his close personal friends Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman (whose passports are in the custody of the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York because FBI agents — probably violating explicit instructions to refrain from doing so by Trump’s personal lawyer, William Barr — arrested them as they were trying to flee from these here United States.


This morning, Trump blamed Ambassador Yovanovich for everything bad that’s gone down in Somalia, because, in her thirty-three years of distinguished service as a Foreign Service Officer, she served at one time in Mogadishu.


ASR Jones was at Trump’s side as he told his Acting Chief of Staff, former Palmetto State Tea Party Congressman Mick Mulvaney, to call Defense Secretary Mark Esper to tell him to clean out his office within twenty minutes, so he can nominate Congressional Attack Dog-in-Chief Jim Jordan to replace Esper.


“Mick, Esper hasn’t nuked Pelosi or any of her cronies yet, so I need Jim Jordan in there at Defense, because Jim will defend me, come Hell or High Water.”


The rest of Trump’s interchange with Mulvaney cannot be repeated in this family-friendly apocryphal newspaper.


Jones just texted us to ask us why we hadn’t already reported that Trump wants SCOTUS to put on hold a very persuasive appellalte court ruling requiring him to disclose his taxes to Congress (see


“SR," Jones said, "you’re a total slacker! Get off your butt and get to work!"