Why Mick Mulvaney Is Moving to Fort Sumter

Mick Mulvaney loves acting, which is why he was, until today, Donald Trump’s Acting Chief of Staff.


Mulvaney, a budget hawk until he hooked up with Trump, was part of the Tea Party, and he represented South Carolina’s 5th Congressional District for six years, having defeated Democrat John Spratt in 2010.


He’s been subpoenaed by House Democrats in the Impeachment Inquiry, but he was a very conspicuous no show on Capitol Hill today.


But there’s a side of Mulvaney which only associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, who covers Congress for us, knows about.


In a highly confidential interview with ASR Smith deep in the garage of the Watergate, Mulvaney told ASR Smith, a mere five minutes ago, “Melissa, you’re the only one in Washington I can trust, even though you’re one of Tom Perez’ operatives.”


“I’ve completely had it with Trump, and I’m totally tired of acting as though I love the guy.”


“When I went on camera and said that Trump was entirely within his rights by withholding military aid from Zelensky, I was telling

The Truth — something Trump doesn’t have the faintest idea how to do.”


"Since coming to Washington as a Congressman from the first state to join the Confederacy, I have been so incredibly homesick, I can’t even begin to tell you.”


Smith, who has an advanced degree in pastoral care from Denver’s Iliff School of Theology, listened sympathetically as she made mental notes on what she would soon tell Perez.


“Melissa, I am such a proud son of South Carolina that I’ve made arrangements to move my family to Fort Sumter, the most visible symbol of the South’s attack on the North. As you well know, Melissa, on April 12, 1861, South Carolina began the Civil War by its successful attack on the tiny and very vulnerable Fort Sumter, which sits in the mouth of Charleston Harbor.”


When ASR Smith told associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones about Mulvaney’s defection, and ASR Jones told Trump about it, Trump lashed out at Mulvaney on Twitter, using language infinitely more abusive than the scorn he had previously heaped on his Former Fixer, Michael Cohen, or his first Attorney General, Jeff Sessions.