A Few Ideas On Where Trump Could Hold His G-7

Day before yesterday, we “reported” that Donald Trump’s Organization has acquired one of America’s most powerful tobacco companies — R J Reyonds, which makes Doral cigarettes (https://www.apocryphalpress.com/2019/10/18/why-the-trump-organization-has-just-acquired-r-j-reynolds-co-trump-sends-mulvaney-to-kyev-as-his-ambassador-to-ukraine/).


But now Trump has abruptly changed course, because even his staunchest allies in Congress didn’t like the idea of Trump enriching himself at the public’s expense (https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/19/politics/trump-property-no-longer-considered-for-g7-summit/index.html).


Being the strident narcissist that he is, of course Trump had to blame the Democrats and the media for his own dumb mistake.


Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, who’s on thin ice at the West Wing, says that Trump International Doral would have been a terrific venue, but at least he did acknowledge that some people thought it was a lousy idea (https://www.politico.com/news/2019/10/20/mulvaney-trump-doral-resort-g7-051990).


This caused associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who is with Trump 24/7, to ask him where he's thinking about hosting the G-7 meeting.


She could not believe her own ears when she heard him say, “OK Johanna, instead of doing it at Camp David, I’ll reach across the aisle and hold it either in Nancy Pelosi’s office, or at the DNC headquarters on South Capitol Street.”


“I’ve always wanted to meet Tom Perez, and it’ll be good publicity for Nancy after that little spat we had the other day about Syria, when she had a meltdown and insulted me by walking out on me.”


Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, who covers Congress for us, asked Pelosi what she thought of the idea of hosting world leaders in her office, standing next to Trump.


“Melissa,” the Speaker said, “I’ve always known that Trump is crazy, but this time he’s really outdone himself — he’s totally gone off the rails, and not for the first time."


For his part, DNC Chair Tom Perez told ASR Jones that he’ll tell Trump that it would be better for him to host his G-7 in the Dominican Republic, where his parents came from.


“That way, we can find out how sincere he is about wanting to look at economic issues from a Caribbean-South American point of view.”


“Come to think of it, Johanna, I think it would make perfect sense for Trump to hold his G-7 at Gitmo."


In other news, we’re still trying to figure out why Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard (D-Hawaii), a presidential candidate, is an apologist for Bashar al-Assad, but it may have something to do with the all the buzz going around that she’s a Russian asset (https://www.politico.com/news/2019/10/20/mulvaney-trump-doral-resort-g7-051990).


Oh, one more thing before we sign off: The State Department has exonerated Hillary Clinton from using her private server to receive classified information (https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/18/politics/state-department-clinton-email-server/index.html), and ASR Jones was with Trump when he was informed about it, which caused him to go into a complete meltdown, to the point where he almost had to be restrained by White House security guards.