Trump's Plan to Partition Syria Is Thwarted by Putin

Poland was partitioned three times, in 1772, 1790, and 1795. 


All that has been extensively documented by associate solitary reporter Andrew Kentwood, who is a professor of Polish History at Harvard. Kentwood’s multi-volume history of how Poland was done in was published last year by Oxford University Press.


As we have said in these pages many, many times, Donald Trump hasn’t the least idea what he’s doing.


On the basis of a single phone call with Turkish dictator Recep Tayyip Erdogan, he withdrew all American troops from northern Syria, so that Erdogan could march his army into Syria and exterminate the Kurds.


We must remember that the Kurds were promised their own homeland by the Brits at the conclusion of the First World War — the war to end all wars….


But the Brits didn't keep their promise.


Kurds live in Iran, Iraq, Turkey, and Syria, and they still want the homeland they were promised over a hundred years ago.


America’s strongest ally against ISIS was the Kurds, but Erdogan wants to kill them all.


So we sent our leading scholar in all international matters, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis (who is fluent in Kurdish, Arabic, and Russian, as well as Chinese) to the battleground in northern Syria, where Trump has blood on his hands for betraying the Kurds.


Theis, who has perfect vision, especially at night, was almost caught between the advancing Syrian army, led by Syrian general Ali Abdullah Ayyoub, and Erdogan’s army, led by Turkish general Yasar Guler.


But then along came Vlaldimir Putin’s Army Chief of Staff, general Valery Gerasimov, who promptly called in Putin’s topdog Air Force guy, lt. gen. Andrei Yudin.


Gerasimov was faced with a true dilemma: should he rescue Theis?


As of press time, Theis’ whereabouts are unknown, but we’ll update you once we find out where he is.


Meanwhile, at Bedminster, Trump was on the phone with his close personal friend, Vladimir Putin.


“Vlad, ol' buddy,” Trump began, “let’s just carve up Syria — you know, like what happened to Poland way back when. That be okay with you?”


“Sure, Donny,” Putin replied, “I get to keep it all, and you get to pull your Sixth Fleet completely out of the Mediterranean. Deal?”


“Vlad, I have no problem with that, as long as you let me put up Trump casinos in St. Petersburg, Moscow, Yekaterinburg, and Novosibirsk, and wherever else I want.”


“Sure, Donny, but I get fifty percent of all your filthy capitalist profits. Deal?"