Trump Taps Giuliani to Replace Branstad As Ambassador to China; Meet Our Newest Associate Solitary Reporter, Psychiatrist Daniel Morrison

Today, we here at AP are thrilled to welcome our newest associate solitary reporter, Dr. Daniel Morrison.


Dr. Morrison is a world-famoius psychiatrist whose clinic is in Manhattan, only two blocks from Trump Tower.


Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman had a ten-minute Facetime chat with ASR Morrison earlier today; and she also had a five-minute Facetime chat with Michael D’Antonio.


D’Antonio is the best-selling author of Never Enough: Donald Trump and the Pursuit of Success (2015). Note the date of publication: 2015, the same year that Trump pontifically descended his escalator in his Tower with trophy wife number three, to announce that it was his intention to swagger himself into the White House on January 20, 2017.


In his research for that best-selling book, D’Antonio conducted extensive interviews with Trump, which allowed him to form an opinion as to what sort of man Trump is.


ASR Morrison has also spent many hours with Trump in the middle of the night, and, as a psychiatrist, is thus fully competent to tell us, and, by extension, the world, which of the many psychiatric disorders Trump has.


Dr. Morrison is very familiar with the Fifth Edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (popularly known as DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association.


The DSM-5 is extensively used by psychiatrists and other mental health professionals, as well as health care organizations and pharmacists, and, most importantly, insurance companies.


ASR Morrison patiently explained to ASR Sherman in great detail that Trump has many pathologies, one of which is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is fully explained in the DSM-5.


Dr. Morrison also discussed with Sherman his diagnosis that Trump also suffers from oppositional defiant disorder, the symptoms of which are angry/irritable behavior and vindictiveness.


A narcissist to the core, Trump cares only about himself, and he's convinced that he’s God’s gift to women and to our nation. His narcissism explains why he insists on being in front of cameras at all hours of the day. 


Trump is, of course, embroiled in the Ukraine Scandal, which has led directly to his certain impeachment; and he's stated publicly that he wants China’s Xi Jinping to investigate Joe and Hunter Biden, no doubt as part of whatever truce he thinks he can get from Xi in his Trade War.


Only an hour ago, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who is with Trump 24/7, was with Trump and Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney as they discussed how best to make use of Trump’s personal lawyer, former GOP presidential candidate and perpetual blowhard Rudy Giuliani, who’s spent considerable time with unsavory Ukrainians in a persistent effort to discredit the Mueller Report, as well as to ensure that Trump will be able to continue to occupy his Oval Office all over again, starting on January 20, 2021.


“Sir,” Mulvaney began, “Your ambassador to China, former Iowa governor Terry Branstad, would be much more useful to you back in Iowa, because Bill Weld, Joe Walsh, and Mark Sanford are all campaigning very hard in the Republican primary for president, and, given your very low poll numbers, one of them is likely to get the nomination — and that would be a total disaster for our Exceptional Nation!"


“Why not tell Branstad to return to Iowa to campaign for you in their very important First in the Nation Caucus — after all, Sir, Branstad is very, very popular in Iowa — he was elected governor there Six Times!" 


"And, Sir, you’re gonna need all the help you can get to survive a hotly contested Republican primary — so why not send Rudy to Beijing to replace Branstad?”


“And once he’s there, he can flatter Xi Jinping to death, get Xi to investigate the Bidens, and, after that, Rudy can negotiate with Xi to conclude your Trade War — it won’t make a bit of difference if Rudy gives away the store, it’s ever so much more important to give you a Second Term, and, after that, a Third Term and a Fourth Term, ‘cause we’re gonna get your friends in the NRA to get the Constitution changed so you can be president for the rest of your life — just like Xi Jinping!"


“Mick, that’s a fantastic idea! I like that idea so much, I’m gonna make you my permanent Chief of Staff!”