How Boris Johnson Plans to Make Lots of Money in His Soon-to-be Transatlantic Trade Deal with Trump

Ordinarily, we here at AP devote ourselves exclusively to reporting on the doings and misdoings of Donald Trump, but because of Brexit and Boris Johnson, we have recently been compelled to jump across the Pond, with the help of Labour MP Danielle Packwood, who represents Vauxhall in London.


Packwood is a rising star in the Labour Party.


(Our readers can always look at our previous posts on our sitemap at, which is part of what associate soliary reporter Andy Kenwood set up for us years ago.)


In Thursday’s Times, Roger Cohen wrote about Boris Johnson the way we write about Trump (


Best to quote the very prolific Cohen: “In just six weeks as Britain’s leader, Johnson has purged, and prorogued, and pontificated, and postured, and pronounced plenty of do-or-die piffle (it looks like die right now). He has lost his majority of one, his brother Jo [who left Johnson’s administration], [and] Winston Churchill’s grandson, and the good will of many Tories and several votes in the House of Commons. As for ’the people,’ whom he claims to represent, Johnson never had them, having been elected by 92,153 members of his own party, most of them at the far end of actuarial tables. Hubris, thy name is Boris.”


So ASR Packwood accosted Johnson inside 10 Downing Street early this morning and asked him, “Dude, how reckless can you possibly be? Because on October 31, shipments arriving in Dover, or wherever, from Europe, or from China, or from wherever, will be stopped and turned away!”


“And,” Packwood continued, “sectarian violence may raise its very ugly head on the Emerald Isle once again.”


But Johnson, unphased, told Packwood that she should train to be a personal trainer for Donald Trump. “He’s way overweight,” Johnson said, “and he’s my best friend, and I don’t want to lose him.”


Packwood also impertinently asked Johnson what he wants to do about Trump’s Air Force National Guard planes visiting Trump’s unnecessary Turnberry resort in Scotland (, which has been losing money.


(Last time we checked, Scotland is still part of Johnson’s UK, but that may change in the next year or two.) 


“Oh piffle,” Johnson said. “As soon as I crash the Queen’s Kingdom out of the EU, Donald and I are going to make so much money in our Transatlantaic trade deal, that nobody will notice how much money Trump is wasting as he continues to build up his global Empire."