We Here At AP Have Too Much Material; Rossello Says Trump Should Resign, Just As He Did

We here at AP are frequently flummoxed about what to write about.


That’s because there is so much material to draw on.


For example, 86-year old Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been praising Donald Trump’s two picks for SCOTUS, Brett Kavanaugh and Neil Gorsuch (https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/26/politics/ruth-bader-ginsburg-kavanaugh-gorsuch/index.html). This must be terribly disappointing to all Trump haters, sensible progressives, liberals, and all Democrats in general, because RBG has health issues, and God forbid that Justice Ginsburg should leave the Court while Trump still has a claim, however tenuous, to the Oval Office.


Then, there’s the UK’s new PM, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel [sic!] Johnson, who has long cultivated boorishness as one of his least-charming attributes, and who has a very cute 31 year old girlfriend, Carrie Symonds. Boris is 55, and Symonds is credited with making Boris’ hair less disheveled and with making him less incoherent (https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/26/uk/carrie-symonds-boris-johnson-girlfriend-gbr-intl/index.html). But  will Symonds be moving into 10 Downing Street? See https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/7214394/boris-johnson-girlfriend-carrie-symonds-conservative/. Are the Brits as strait-laced as they were under Queen Victoria? Or were they ever really strait-laced, either before or after they acquired control of the Strait of Gibraltar? Will Symonds accompany Johnson on foreign trips?


Then there’s the fierce battle raging among House Democrats, with many hell-bent on impeaching Trump even without hearings, while Nancy Pelosi is having a really hard time keeping them in check.


But we had to settle on a topic, so we decided to write about the decision by Puerto Rico’s governor, Ricardo Antonio Rosello Nevares, to resign in the face of mass protests related to the Telegramgate scandal, when emails and texts among his inner circle were leaked, showing malicious comments about victims of Hurricane Maria, and derogatory comments about gays and women.


Associate solitary reporter Sylvania Juguete, who covers Latin America for us, was in San Juan yesterday, and Rosello gave her a private interview.


“Sylvania,” he began, “I’m resigning just to get those pesky and intemperate and vicious protestors off my back, but what I’m really hoping for — and it’s your job, Sylvania, to get the word out — is to provide an example to Donald Trump of what’s the really honorable thing to do when, as an elected leader, you screw up big time.”


“You’re saying Trump should resign?”


“Sure, isn't that completely obvious?"


“But Sir,” Juguete replied, “is that realistic?”


“If I can do it, so can he!”


So we reached out to associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who covers the White House for us.


Jones immediately texted us back, saying that Trump told her, “Rossello should’ve quit long ago, since Puerto Rico’s bankrupt.”


“And never forget, Johanna, I have never gone bankrupt, and anybody who says I have, that’s just fake news and I ought to sue the hell out of them."


“Johanna, months ago I wanted to give Puerto Rico to Venezuela, as those guys totally deserve each other, but I couldn’t get McConnell to go along with it."