The UK's Next PM Is An American, and Many Consequences Flow From That

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have several things in common. They were both born in New York City and both were born into wealth. Both are boorish. But there’s one big difference: Boris Johnson has a history of having been elected to high office, which Donald Trump never had until disaster struck in the US on November 8, 2016.


Back to their similarities: Boris’ hairdo and Donald’s both deserve comment, but Boris’ is much more authentic. Boris doesn’t need a hairdryer, he just likes his hair to be rumpled, and messy, just like his politics.


The USA and the UK are both supposed to be united, but neither of them is. And each of them bears a major share of the responsibility for that.


You may wonder whether the man who’s about to have control of his country’s nukes has a Russian name. Well, that’s because his parents had a friend named Boris who was a Russian emigre.


Our London-based associate solitary reporter, Danielle Packwood, spoke with Johnson a few minutes ago, and she asked him to rescind Brexit, of which he was a leading proponent.


“Don’t be silly, Danielle,” he said. “We are an island and we insist on going it alone. Sure enough, economic disaster is about to happen here, but at least the bureaucrats in Brussels won’t have anything to do with it.”


Then our chief international correspondent, associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, asked Johnson whether he thinks the UK and the USA still have a special relationship.


Johnson, known for his quick wit, replied, saying, “Larry, what’s really important to know, is that Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels have a special relationship and, frankly, I’m glad they do, because Donald should have anything he wants.”


“But if you want to know whether Donald and I will get along, of course the answer is yes, and that’s because we both thrive on our grandiosity.”


Very impertinently, ASR Packwood asked Johnson if he plans to flee to America (because he’s an American citizen), when he fails to pull off Brexit.


Once again, Johnson had a quick response: “Sure, Danielle, Trump’s already told me that when they expel me from the UK, he has a very safe underground refuge all ready for me in Virginia, in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains, in the luxurious underground bunkers below Mount Weather. That’s where the top military and civilian leaders of the US take refuge when the apocalypse happens."


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones confirmed that the first thing Trump said when he called Trump to congratulate him on his becoming the Leader of the Conservative Party was to assure him that anytime he needs to be safe from the Queens’s justifiably angry subjects, he has a first class room waiting for him at Mount Weather.