Mueller to Become a Trappist Monk

Yesterday, Special Counsel Robert Mueller III stood before a packed crowd of reporters in the Justice Department and spoke for a few precious minutes about his investigation into Donald Trump’s obstruction of his investigation. The journalists had been waiting for nearly two years to hear the former FBI Director speak.


Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman was there. An investigative reporter whose hearing is better than any of her colleagues, she distinctly heard Mueller say at the end of his brief remarks that he has left the Episcopal Church to become a Trappist monk.


“In sharp contrast to Mr. Trump,” Sherman heard Mueller say, “I have chosen my words wisely. I’ve learned that silence is golden. That’s why I am now on the road to becoming a Trappist monk”


Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, who covers Congress for us, immediately texted us to say that House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler has other plans for Mueller.


Our chief religion correspondent, The Irreverent Jim Bob Hobarto, was very critical of Mueller. Hobarto, who is never without words, said that Mueller had violated the most important of all religious principles: if you know something important, you gotta say it.