Why Trump Knows Nothing At All About the May Fourth Movement in China

May the Fourth Be With You!


One hundred years ago, as China was being carved up by Japan, with the support of France, the United Kingdom, and these here United States of America, student protesters in China expressed their intense displeasure with the very weak Chinese government’s response to LeTraité de Versailles.


That’s why May Fourth is a critically important day in the history of 中华人民共和国. 


Woodrow Wilson, a Southerner, was our president then, and he was pretty much as racist as Donald Trump is now (see, inter alia, Henry Louis Gates Jr.'s spectacular PBS series on the Reconstruction). 


In 1895, Japan defeated China in the first Sino-Japanese War, primarily over influence in Korea, an ancient country which, since 1948, has been divided between Kim Jongun’s 조선/朝鮮 and the Republic of Korea (한국/韓).


In 1905, Japan defeated the Russian Empire in the Русско-японская война (Russia-Japanese War).


In World War I, Japan sided with the Allies against Germany. Japan’s military and Prime Minister 加藤 高明 (Katō Takaaki) took advantage of the great distances and Imperial Germany’s preoccupation with the war in Europe, and seized German possessions in the Pacific and in East Asia. 


In a war being waged now, House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerry Nadler (D-New York) is at war with both Donald Trump and his lackey, Attorney General William Barr. For more details about this war, please see our sitemap at apocryphalpress.com.


Barr’s the guy who advocates the ill-founded theory of a "unitary executive," and he got the job because somebody in Donald Trump’s increasingly decreasing orbit showed him Barr’s unsolicited memorandum expressing deep skepticism about the obvious validity of his then friend Robert Mueller's investigation into Russia's collusion between the Trump campaign in 2016 and Росси́я.


So we sent associate solitary reporter Ko Il-sun, who is based in Seoul, but who has a tiny house in Washington, to have coffee with associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who never leaves Trump’s side.


ASR Ko’s tiny house in our Nation’s Capital is similar to the hundreds of tiny homes now populating underserved areas of Denver because current Mayor Michael B. Hancock, first elected in 2011 and given a free pass in 2015, is seeking his third and final term as Mayor of the Mile High City before he joins all 222 Democrats (including Ken “the Free Hugs Guy” Nwadike Jr. and 88-year old Mike Gravel) who are running for president against the increasingly vulnerable Trump who, if Republicans have any sense, will be resoundingly defeated in the 2020 Republican primaries by former Massachusetts Governor Willilam Weld — or maybe Maryland’s Republican Governor, Larry Hogan, whose wife, Yumi, was born in South Korea, a nation Trump knows very little about, but he loves Kim Jongun.


On Tuesday, May 7, in Denver’s very consequential municipal election, Mayor Hancock will be defeated by long-time State legislator Penfield Tate -- or, failing that, Tate and Hancock will face off in a runoff on June 4.


At which time Tate, who worked under Mayor Federico Peña and then served spectacularly in the Centennial State’s legislature as your solitary reporter’s State Representative and State Senator, will become the Mile High City’s forty-sixth mayor.


Hancock is opposed by Kalyn Rose Heffernan, Chairman Seku, Jamie Gillies, Lisa Calderon, and Tate. Heffernan, Seku, Gillies, and Calderon have never been elected to any public office, but Hancock, backed by hundreds of developers, has, through poor planning, overseen a population explosion in Denver never before seen in what was still considered to be a Cow Town when the solitary reporter moved to Denver in 1973.


So associate solitary reporter Ko and associate soitary reporter Jones sat down for coffee on a park bench in Lafayette Park, across from the White House.


“Does Trump know anything at all about the history of East Asia a hundred years ago?” Ko asked Jones.


“Ko, old buddy,” Jones replied, “the man doesn’t read. He just watches Fox News. He governs from his gonads. Does that answer your question?”


Ko immediately teleported himself back to Seoul to tell President 문재인 (Moon Jae-in) to get to Washington as soon as possible to tell Trump what he really thinks of him.