LaPierre Rhapsodizes About Wannabe Columbine Shooter

Tomorrow is the twentieth anniversary of the Columbine High School shooting (it’s also the day that Denver’s Civic Center Park will be completely taken over by potheads:


A small number of angry and disturbed people have somehow come up with an ungreat notion that if they kill schoolchildren, and then themselves, they will go down in history on the honor roll of the NRA and, in Colorado, the honor roll of Rocky Mountain Gun Owners.


Only five days ago, an eighteen year old woman from Florida arrived at Denver International Airport on a one-way ticket, determined to fulfill her “Columbine Pilgrimage,” as she was totally obsessed with what she thought would be fame and glory for herself, among the millions of gun nuts in the USA.


The ATF and the Jefferson County, Colorado Sheriff’s Office got wind of Sol Pais’ plan, and hundreds of schools in the Denver metro area closed, fearing for the safety of some half a million school children.


When the NRA’s chief loudmouth, Wayne LaPierre, learned that Pais had shot herself to death near the foot of Mount Evans, without killing any schoolchildren, he wept, from sadness.


“Sol had the right goal,” LaPierre told associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, “she just chickened out at the last moment.”


LaPierre abruptly brushed aside a report in today’s Denver Post that when Pais bought weapons in the Columbine area, the purchase may have been illegal (


“I just spoke with Justice Kavanaugh,” he told Sherman, “and he said children as young as five can buy as many assault weapons as they want to, with no background checks, no nothing."