Huckabee Sanders: "Mr. Trump is no racist, because he and Tiger Woods are best friends"

So how does Donald Trump celebrate Tax Day?


Is it by twitteryelling that he doesn’t have to pay taxes because he doesn’t feel like it?


Or does he invite his close personal friend Tiger Woods to 72 holes of golf at Bedminster? 


Tiger won the Masters yesterday, cementing his comeback from four back surgeries, and Trump, who has golfed with Tiger, texted his congratulations.


How could that be? Look no further than the fact that Tiger vigorously defends his friendship with Trump (


Woods, of course, is of mixed ancestry (predominantly African American and Thai).


For months now, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones has been diligently trying to figure out how many black friends Trump has, if any. Jones, our top-notch reporter, is very curious about this, because she is African American.


Well, there’s his former rival from 2016, Ben “Sleepy Eyes” Carson, who pretends to run the Department of Housing and Urban Development when he’s not napping.


Omarosa Manigault-Newman used to be his friend, from The Apprentice days, but after Trump hired her as his Director of Communications for the Office of Public Liaison, she quickly figured out that nobody in the White House liked her, so she resigned and published her tell-all book, Unhinged, in which she confirmed what we already knew, that Trump is a racist and that he is not reluctant to use the n-word.


South Carolina’s junior senator, Tim Scott, a Tea Party Republican, is African American. After Trump’s praising of white nationalists in the August 2017 Charlottesville debacle, Trump and Scott had a conversation about Trump’s stupidity in that regard, and, as he left the meeting, Scott said he couldn’t defend the indefensible, so it’s fair to say that Scott is not buddies with the leader of his Party.


Then there’s Justice Clarence Thomas, who, on January 20, 2017, on the West Steps of the United States Capitol, asked Mike Pence to raise his right hand and declare everlasting fealty to Trump.


Early this morning, ASR Jones blustered her way into the Supreme Court and confronted Thomas as he was conferring with Justice Brett Kavanaugh on the best ways to roll back voter protections for black people in America. Interrupting their conversation, Jones, referring to Bo Biddley’s song “I’m  A Man,” said, “Hey man, are you friends with Trump?” at which point Kavanaugh kicked her so hard that she ended up on the street with aches and bruises, but that didn’t stop her from continuing in her bizarre quest.


Next she stopped by the home of Russell Simmons, an entertainment mogul who is African American. Simmons used to consider Trump as a friend, but when Trump issued his Muslim travel ban, that was it.


So, as Sarah Huckabee Sanders prepared once again to defend her undefendable boss, and as Jones watched, Sanders announced that Tiger has accepted a position as her Deputy, and Woods, in his charming, smiling way, accepted with exhilaration.


“All Omarosa ever did here,” Sanders said, “was whine, and her book is totally indefensible because it’s nothing but lies.”


“Mr. Trump is no racist! That’s why Tiger’s here, because he and Tiger are best friends!"