Trump Vows to Make Kellyanne Conway Divorce Her Husband

Our Disrupter-in-Chief, who is perpetually angry at anyone who even looks at him sideways (who would want to look at him anyway?) is at it, yet again.


Political observers and White House correspondents of all ideological stripes have known for a very long time that if Donald Trump gets through even ten minutes without issuing a strident tweet, he must be sound asleep at the wheel of government.


Trump’s last campaign manager in 2016, Kellyanne Conway, takes credit for Trump’s ability to defy all odds by flipping Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania from blue to red in 2016.


Her husband is George Conway, a superlawyer who was considered for the important position of Solicitor General and, later, Assistant Attorney General in the Civil Division of the Justice Department, under Trump’s first AG, Jeff Sessions. George, a keen observer of human nature, smartly said no to both opportunities because he knew that Trump was hell-bent on destroying the Justice Department from the get-go.


Kellyanne, now one of Trump’s top aides, takes the prize for her shrillness in defending Trump (Kellyanne and Sarah Huckabee Sanders have a daily competition for that and, as of press time, we are uncertain who of the two of them will have that dubious distinction today).


In 2018, George Conway emerged as a sharp, vocal critic of his wife’s boss. Which leads us here at AP to consider him as a reasonably smart guy — because he knows full well that Trump fits all the psychiatric criteria for classic narcissistic personality disorder — and, because George knows that, he feels perfectly free to say so publicly. See for full details.


So George and Trump are now in a tweetwar, with Trump calling George “the husband from hell.”


So we took a quick look at Trump’s marital history and were immediately reminded that he has had three trophy wives. The first two ended in very high-profile divorces, and we’re still wondering why Melania puts up with him.


So associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, the best White House undercover sleuth ever, took up the challenge, and spoke, moments ago, with Melania.


“As long as he stays completely away from me,” the former supemodel, who, at 48, is twenty-four years younger than her spectacularly unprepossessing husband, ”Barrron and I are just fine.”


Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney has been doing his utmost to keep ASR Jones — a spectacularly beautiful twenty-five year old African American woman who is even more beautiful than either Michelle Obama or Lupita Nyong'o — away from Trump, but he did condescend to tell Jones that his boss, who demands absolute, total loyalty, has told Kellyanne that if she wants to keep working for him, she will have to divorce George before sunset today.