Susan Collins Is Running Against Trump in the GOP Primary in 2020

Donald Trump has already vetoed Congress’ resolution disapproving his unconstitutional national emergency declaration.


Though McConnell & Co. control the Senate, twelve Republicans (not including Colorado’s junior senator, Cory Gardner, one of the most endangered GOP senators next year), voted against the man who hijacked their party, starting in 2016.


Early this morning, associate solitary reporter Keith Coleman, one of our two Congressional correspondents, met with Maine’s senior senator, Susan Collins, who was one of The Twelve who stood up to Trump.


“Keith,” Collins began, “I hate to say it — I voted for Trump, but I wish I hadn’t. Hillary had all the qualifications needed, and Trump had zip.”


“It was tough for some of my colleagues, like Lamar Alexander from Tennessee, to vote againsat Trump on his signature campaign issue, but it’s really important to oppose Evil — just as Jesus did, and he had twelve disciples.”


“My colleague Lisa Murkowski of Alaska also voted against Trump on this, so Lisa and I are holding a press conference in an hour — and I expect you to attend — to announce the formation of our Anti-Trump GOP Senate Caucus.”


“We’re calling ourselves the Twelve Disciples, and we’re looking for a Messiah to be our Savior.”


When ASR Coleman reminded Sen. Collins that former Massachusetts Governor William Weld is running against Trump in the Republican primary in 2020, the senator said, “Anyone would be better than Trump. Problem with Bill Weld is that he’s 73.”


“But Senator, what about Larry Hogan, the Republican governor of blue-state Maryland? He’s only 62.”


“Keith, it’s time for a woman president, which is why I’m announcing at my press conference that I’m running against Trump in 2020, and I expect you to support me with a really big check.”


“But Senator, you are one of the Anti-Trump Twelve Disciples. There’s only twelve of you after Sen. Thom Tillis of North Carolina, who had promised God and everybody that he would vote against Trump on this, flipped at the last minute after hard-right conservatives in the Tarheel State told him they would primary him in 2020 if he didn’t side with Trump. You just said you need a Savior to lead you. Who will that be now that you say you’re running against Trump?”


“See here, Keith. I know what I’m doing. And I’ve been around for awhile. My colleage Joni Ernst, the junior senator from Iowa, voted with Trump on his stupid-ass national emergency — but I’m gonna convert her. She’ll join the Anti-Trump GOP Senate Caucus, and I will win my party’s nomination, defeating Donald Trump easily, as long as you give me that big check I need. I will be the Savior of the Republican

Party — and by the way, the last organization I am asking for support from, is the NRA."


Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith prompty camped out outside Sen. Ernst’s office to ask whether she’ll flip and go against Trump.


As of press time, ASR Smith was still sitting there because Ernst’s staffers wouldn’t let her in.