Trump Tells Barr to Arrest Former Lawyer Cobb for Praising Mueller

Donald Trump’s former lawyer, Ty Cobb, who was trying to advise his client to allow Robert Mueller to do his job, said yesterday that Mueller is an American hero, and that Rudy Giuliani screwed everthing up by letting Trump attack Mueller 24/7 ((


Moments ago, as associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones watched, Trump called his newest Attorney General, William Barr, and FBI Director Christopher Wray, and told them to arrest Cobb, take him to Navy Secretary Richard V. Spencer, 65 (or maybe fervent white nationalist Richard B. Spencer, 40) and send him to Gitmo.


“We gotta get more out of our very wise investment in Gitmo,” Trump said to Barr, “and tell Shanahan over at the Pentagon to prepare for an all-out war against Cuba so we can expand Gitmo to all of Raul Castro’s puny little island.”


“Maybe Little Marco Rubio will say something nice about me once we get that done."


Our top strategic expert, associate solitary reporter Lewis Thompson, predicts that whomever the Dems nominate will win by more than ten points — unless Howard Schultz screws everything up.