ASR Smith Releases Draft of Trump's SOTU

Donald Trump, who expects to win over anybody who gets in his way by bullying them, wanted to give his annual State of the Union address on January 29, but he wasn’t counting on Speaker Nancy Pelosi staring him down as he’s never been stared down before.

 

After his disastrous 35-day government shutdown accomplished nothing on his agenda, Pelosi gave him permission to give his made for TV moment this evening, in her House.

 

Associate solitary reporter Melissa Smith, who covers Congress for us, managed to get her hands on a draft of tonight’s speech. It was smuggled to her by associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who is with Trump 24/7.

 

In the interest of brevity, we excerpt here only the portion of Trump’s script that deals with border security.

 

“And now, my fellow Americans, I am bursting with pride as I announce that I am totally and without equivocation reinstating my Zero Tolerance Policy.”

 

“That means that anyone who crosses my border with Mexico who tries to come here illegally will be kept back by any means necessary.”

 

“Separting families at our southern border is absolutely necessary to keep us safe as A Sovereign Nation, but the totally disloyal ACLU and the courts made me stop my Family Separation Policy."

 

“So I am hereby revoking my executive order of June 20, in which I very reluctantly ended family separations at our southern border.”

 

“From now on, any parents who are not my subjects, and who try to bring their children in here, will never see their children again.”

 

“That’s how we Make America Great Again.”