Pelosi Clobbered Trump on the Venue for his State of the Union, So Now He Wants to Invade Venezuela

Though he greatly admires dictators such as Kim Jongun, Vladimir Putin, and Chinese President-for-Life Xi Jingping, Donald Trump doesn’t mind regime change when it comes to a fragile South American country that has lots of oil.


Nicolas Maduro, a dictator from the left, still claims to be president of Venezuela, but there were so many voting irregularities arising from that troubled country’s 2018 election that many have severe doubts about the legitimacy of his election, and Venezuelans are fuming mad. Earlier this month, the National Assembly declared its President, Juan Gerardo Guaido Marquez, as Acting President. 


Yesterday, Mike Pence announced that the United States has recognized Guaido as the president of Venezuela. Then Maduro blamed everything on the United States and broke diplomatic relations with us.


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was with Trump and Ivanka when she talked with her daddykins about Guaido. She told him that Guaido, who is 37, is a Venezuelan version of President Obama. That threw Trump into a rage, so he called Putin to ask for his suggestions.


“If you want, Donald, I will help you invade Venezuela to depose Maduro, but after that, I get all their oil, and you don’t get any.”


Trump had to concede defeat by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi on where he would give his State of the Union speech, and his poll numbers have tanked, so he needs to do something dramatic to distract voters from his hundreds of failures.


And today, the Senate takes up dueling bills to reopen the government, with many Republican senators, including Colorado’s junior senator, endangered Cory Gardner, secretly thinking about voting with the Dems.


So Trump ordered Acting Defense Secretary Patrick Shanahan to invade Venezuela, capture Maduro, and take him to an undisclosed location, either in Romania or Egypt. Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman tells us, however, that Shanahan is wavering on that one.


As of press time, it’s uncertain what Putin plans to do about Venezuela. What we do know is that Trump knows virtually nothing about how to deal with Pelosi.