Cruz With Trump in McAllen; All 800,000 SOL Federal Employees Quit; Our Newest ASR Vets Cohen for Upcoming Blockbuster Testimony; Beto Introduces His Dental Hyg

Donald Trump went to McAllen, Texas, yesterday so he could make a damn fool of himself at our southern border. Trump’s really good at that kind of s___. McAllen borders the Rio Grande, and it is seventy miles from the Gulf of Mexico. As of press time, Trump has no casino or golf course there, much as its residents might or might not like that. McAllen is represented in the House by Congressman Vicente Gonzalez, a Democrat who opposes Trump’s Wall.


If Trump were not on TV, his doctors would start worrying about him.


At a photo op, his Secretary of Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen, sat on the right side of power as he wore a white MAGA hat. His close personal friend and confidant, Fox News’ Sean Hannity, was there, eagerly awaiting an exclusive interview. Trump, displaying his deep erudition and machismo, said “They say a wall is medieval. Well, so is a wheel.”


Accompanying him to South Texas was the man he bested in 2016 for the GOP nomination — none other than the junior U.S. Senator from the Lone Star State, who is the one senator most hated by his Senate colleagues — Ted Cruz (TP-Texas).


Ted, never handsome, has grown hair on his face. It doesn’t help his looks any, but he still wants to sit in the Oval Office after Trump leaves his White House in 2029 after completing his third term.


While Trump was at the McAllen Border Control Station saluting a passing ICE/CBP helicopter, and being shown by ICE how many tunnels there are under the fences that are already there, our top-notch DC-based associate solitary reporter, Keith Coleman, interviewed Jeffrey David Cox, the president of the American Federation of Government Employees (to which, at one time, your solitary reporter belonged, while representing Secretaries of Labor Peter J. Brennan, John T. Dunlop, Willie J. Usery, and Ray Marshall).


Cox solemnly told ASR Coleman that all eight hundred thousand federal employees who are SOL because of Trump's shutdown have resigned to seek work where they can be assured of a paycheck. Associate solitary reporter Susanna Sherman, our crack investigative reporter, tells us that they will all be replaced by illegals who are currently working at Trump’s worldwide casinos, resorts, and golf courses, including Bedminster and Mar-a-Lago — where Melania is happy to be as long as Donnie Boy is in Texas. According to ASR Coleman, all Trump’s illegal employees have been well-vetted by Ivanka and Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker; Nielsen has already given them waivers in the interest of helping Trump stay comfy.


Elsewhere, associate solitary reporter Theodora Lewis is vetting Michael Cohen for his blockbuster testimony to Congress in February, a month before he goes to federal prison.


Finally, associate solitary reporter Philomena Malinowski has signed up as an advance woman for Beto’s presidential campaign, after Beto went on camera in El Paso introducing his dental hygienist to the world (