Trump Prepares to Send Romney to the Far Side of the Moon

Donald Trump wants to make his “partial” government shutdown stretch into 2020 so he can continue to stoke his base.


Almost lost in all this fire and fury in Washington was the news that China’s military space agency made a spectacular technological breakthrough by landing a very complex piece of machinery on the far side of the

moon — the part of the moon which cannot be seen from Terra Firma (some people prefer to say “the dark side” of the moon).


The United States thus lags behind China in the race to the moon and beyond.


Yesterday, associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones was in Trump’s Rose Garden, where she, and she alone, heard Trump say, “I am so p____d at Romney for disrespecting me, that I’m gonna tell NASA to put him in one of their space capsule things and send him to the dark side of the moon so he can ramp up my trade war with Xi Jingping.”


When Jones, in her most shrill voice ever, insisted on asking Trump if, by sending Mitt Romney to the far side of the moon, he is simply trying to distract everybody from his government shutdown, Trump bolted from the podium and yelled at Jones with words which we are not allowed to print here in this apocryphal newspaper.


But then, the Committee to Protect Journalists — “Journalism’s Red Cross” — surrounded Jones with its Truth Squad, and we’re happy to report that she is safe, and not in the custody of the Secret Service, and not in the District of Columbia Jail.