After Lying to Our Soldiers in Iraq About How He's Increased Their Pay, Trump Will Visit The Ruins of Babylon Tomorrow, With Pence and Hannity

As we reported yesterday, Donald Trump went to Iraq.


Its leaders refused to meet with him because they know full well that he doesn’t care anything about them. He just wanted to go there for photo-ops with American soldiers as a distraction from the chaos he’s caused since January 20, 2017.


Our Liar-in-Chief notched up his rating on CNN’s truth-o-meter by lying to his military audience at Al Asad Air Base in western Iraq (far away from Baghdad) about how he had gotten pay increases for them (


He left town because he shut down the government over his plan to keep desperate people from entering a country which used to pride itself for welcoming immigrants. He wants a Netanyahu-style wall at our southern border, with a so-called impregnable fence that can be easily burrowed under, like El Chapo’s tunnels out of Mexican prisons.


Not only that, he deliberately started a trade war with China — and guess who’s winning that one?


He knows or should know that Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s got the goods on him. 


And though he’ll never admit it, he’s worried about Vladimir Putin’s brand new Avangard missile system. He and Putin are buddies, and he believes everything Putin tells him, and Putin says that Avangard is invulnerable and that it will protect Mother Russia from anybody who disrespects him.


Early this morning, associate solitary reporter Aziz Mustafa, our chief Middle East correspondent, and associate solitary reporter Larry Theis, our chief international correspondent, met with Melania, who was in great distress.


“My husband made me come here just so I could smile and look pretty for the cameras,” the former model told Mustafa and Theis. "And now, we can’t go home because he shut down the government! What’s going to happen to my poor little Barron? He needs his mommy!”


Associate solitary reporter Johanna Jones, who is always with Trump, confirmed Melania’s worry. ASR Jones just called us, saying “Trump just told me that since the White House is closed to tourists, it’s not fair for him to travel. So since he’s grounded here, and since the Iraqi leaders refuse to meet with him, he’ll just go for more photo-ops, like visiting the cradle of civilization in that part of the world.”


“He plans to bring Sean Hannity with him tomorrow to visit the Ruins of Babylon,” Jones continued. “He’s also bringing Mike Pence. Mr. Pence has read the Bible many times, but Trump hasn’t even read it once, so he needs Mikey to explain the fall of Babylon in ancient times (in 537 Before the Common Era), what life was like for the Jewish people there, how the Jews got back to Jerusalem, and also all about the Babylonian Captivity of the Papacy, in Avignon, France, in the Middle Ages, from 1309 to 1376 of the Common Era.”


“What he fails to realize, however,” Jones continued, “is that he is a captive of his own illusion — the illusion that he knows how to improve America.”


“This should be an interesting tour tomorrow of the Ruins of Babylon,” Jones said, holding Hammurabi’s Code (which she had borrowed from the Louvre, courtesy of French President Emmanuel Macron), as she prepared to tweet us with full details of tomorrow's visit to the Ruins of Babylon.